Honest Truth

I don't think I am not a good friend.

Sure I listen, but I don't think I'm the friend that will come pick you up if you call (mostly becase can't drive or have a car)

Anyways, I always have an inner turmoil and no one to really talk to.

My friends are far away or are busy and I can't open up to them fully.

I just feel so alone.

Selfish and Self centered, that is what I am and always will be. 

No one fully understands me and no one can truly love me because I don't love myself.

I've thought about dying and have no fear of it.

I don't have the courage to do it though.

It only leads to more pain and I don't want that.

I want someone to know me, understand me.

Theres no one and there never will be.

I'm crying, always crying but I hide it because.... I am not the type to cry.

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K-POP_lover #1
Crying is my best friend sometimes. It releases the pains, the frustrations and everything in between.
Just remember that everyone is here for a reason, and your life might not look bright right now, but in the future it will be glowing.
Just continue to try hard and figure out what you want to do in the future.
What do people not understand about you? Your interests? Your goals? Your personality?
That's how it is for a lot of people. Everyone might not understand me, but as long as I believe in myself and love myself then thats all that matters.
Just try to stay positive as much as possible!
AngelKeky #2
My bestie/only friend is busy the whole summer break. TwT
AyaniELF #3
And honestly I was going to write a LOOOT more, but I ran out of space ;____; Just please don't do anything crazy alright? Listen to more music!! Especially SuJu!!

y, free and single. Ready, too, bingo! I'm a rockstarrr: OH MY GOD, I'M SO HOT! or Donghae's OH MY GOD, IT'S SO HARD XDD Eunhae moment ftw~

And if you need time to think about things and collect yourself: Go right on ahead. You do so with confidence!

You better read this with a smile: a briggggggggght smile! Like Hyukkie's gummy smile :3 No one likes a frowner. Even if it's a smile shadowed by tears, smile regardless! Laugh at the stupidest things! If you trip or get hurt, laugh and think "how did this even happen XD"

You have a wonderful life ahead! You've merely reached a dead end, so turn around and try a different path. Life is full of surprises! And in the words of Hyukjae: "If you're depressed poop". In the words of me: "If you're depressed, dance or sing to your hearts content." But Hyukkie is right; the toilet is somewhat peaceful and you tend to have the most astonishing realizations on it.

OHMAHGAWD: I am blabbling. Gomen! I do talk a lottttttttttt. Probably cause I don't have many people to talk to. SO enjoy my spam ^^
AyaniELF #4
No. I completely understand you.

I'm cooped up in my house with a huge group of acquaintances and only 1 friend who is always inviting me places.

I lack social skills thus people call me 'stuck up' or mainly a .

I try talking to friends, they ignore me or blow me off and then I see them talking to other friends.

I want so badly to open up, but I feel like I am selfish for disturbing their peaceful lives with my rants. And then when my friend does invite me: I decline. Because I know I am over sensitive and clingy and stupid at times and I'll bother them.

My sister laughs at me saying 'I don't have a life' since I never leave the safety of these four walls.

But don't end your life. Trust me, been there over 8 times; I was depressed for 3 years. Sometimes you gotta hit rock bottom to know what the top feels like. And stop trying to "fit in" or be that person everyone wants to befriend. Sometimes you have to be yourself and if people can't understand that then well fudge them. I'm only 17 and it took me maybe 5+ years to be myself. But what do I live for if I feel like ^ that all the time? The future. Though it's not absolute, I believe in my goals and dreams. Ignore what's happening around and focus on YOU. And who's to say years down the road you'll feel the same. What you don't like, you can change. And if not, find hobbies to entertain you.

And who's to say you aren't a good friend? If a friend expects you to hop, skip and jump then find another friend who's willing to run with you. It's 50/50. If at any point it becomes 25/75 then reach out and say "What's happening here?". I've lost MANY friends that way. Some people just expect too much. But you can't stay silent and watch it happen. If you can't talk to your friends then maybe they were merely acquaintances all along. A true friend is someone who's willing to listen not always give advice. And most of the time, people just want someone to talk to.

HWAITING~ <3
aejinx_ #5
You have to understand that life is supposed to be like that. You don't have to be there for people. Because you're not able to be there for yourself; you can't be there for others (I hope that didn't sound mean).

If you want someone to listen you can come to me. I'm used to this kind of thing. I've been in your position. I know it hurts but you need to be happy that you're here.

What's wrong with crying? Nothing. It's a release. If you want to talk to someone, I'm here. Even if I might not be able to think of any advices for you; listening still helps. So, yeah.
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