A Heart For Two by darling-dreamaholic

Reviewed by ELF

Title: 3/5

It's not too eye-catching, it's a bit plain really. It wouldn't make me want to click on your story if I saw it, and it doesn't grab my attention. It does give a good feel as to what the story will be about though.

Appearance: 4/5

I like your background, it's really cute! The poster's good too, but the colors and pictures don't really blend well together. You type in regular black so that's good.

Description/Foreword: 5/10

You give a small description and do character bios in the description, and an author's note in the foreword. You put them in the right places, so that's good. You have a few grammatical errors in the description, but that'll be in the Grammar/Spelling section. Your description of the story doesn't really grab me, it doesn't make me want to read your story and click the next button.

Okay, like in the many reviews I've done before I have expressed my dislike for character bios in the description. This is no exception. Honestly I think you reveal too much in your character descriptions, you didn't need to tell us which girls had a crush on who and such. It would've been nicer to figure it out as the story went along.

Characterization: 10/10

Well, you stick to the personalities you wrote in the character bios in the Description so that's good.

Plot: 5/15

Your plot is really cliche. I mean, she gets hit by a car at the end. Really? There's no real originality in your story. It's kind of the plots of every cliche love story on here combined into one. Very, very predictable.

Flow: 5/15

It's a bit too rushed for my liking.

Grammar & Spelling: 10/25

You switch tenses a lot. From past to present, and back again. You also use the wrong words and the wrong phrasing of the words. I'll use your description as an example.

Your version: You (Park Daeyoung) is a 16 year old student who had just come back from New York and is now studying in Eminent High School, Seoul. Is very rich but keeps it a secret. Falls for one B.A.P member without him knowing it. Thought that your life at the new school will be normal, but it certainly would not when you get to know B.A.P, Miss P, and involved in a complicated love triangle.

My revised version: You, Park Daeyoung, are a 16 year old student who has just come back from New York to study at Eminent High School in Seoul. You are very rich but keeps it a secret to live a normal life as a student. While in Eminent you fall for one of the school's kingkas, who is part of a group called B.A.P, without him knowing it. While you hoped that your new school life would be normal, it was anything but that when you got to know B.A.P, Miss P, and got involved into a complicated love triangle.

Now, it looks a bit longer (at least in the place I'm writing this) but the content is basically the same. I wouldn't have included all of that information since I think it reveals too much of the story, but I didn't want to change your version too much.

I'm not going to look at every chapter with a magnifying glass and nitpick at every grammatical error in your story since that would take way too long. I will say that you write in very simple sentences, you switch tenses, you have a few spelling mistakes, and some of the ways you word things sound awkward.

Writing: 3/5

Enjoyment: 2/5

I want to say that I enjoyed reading your story, but I didn't really. Sorry.

Bonus: 3/5

A small bonus for me taking so long to review your story.

Total: 50/100

ELF's Notes: I'm really sorry for such a late review, I've been a bit busy. I'm also really sorry if I sound harsh or mean in this review. I hope that you will continue writing and will continue to improve with time. c: I also hope that you found some useful tips or help in my review as well.