Diary 1 The importance of family I believe I truly had forgotten a long time ago and as the quote goes 'you'll only realise it's importance after it's gone' .After these 4 months of loneliness I have realised that family is very important and significant to a person .It shapes a person to how they are or will be.When you are alone, the stress,pressure,anger and pain magnifies largely.Just one word of unkindness stabs. The pointless arguments with siblings is severely missed and being stationed to place where you are obliviously unneeded and unwanted does not help much either. Moreover the pain deepens knowing that the people who you miss dearly don't miss you. The dreams and hopes of yours become pointless and somewhat lazy to achieve and the pointless days where you laze around the I-pad processing how sad the world is,becomes pointless too. In fact there are no days accept pointless days and I emphasise this ,because it so largely is. The same routine which is unstable, is continued again and again and your idea of family and enjoying yourself lessens severely ,unless you do include the period of time on the iPad watching stupid but joyful dramas. Actually that is the only thing I look forward to when I return from school. However ,like everything ,they slowly but  hastily bore you as well and soon there is really nothing to do but stare at cloud and ponder of the thought of how to achieve your dreams and if and perhaps you can really make it 'big'. Of course the choice of staring into random space and rethinking thoughts or simply trying to daydreams about the possible chance of you making it 'big' drives various emotions. Firstly ,you sense happiness, not the happiness of glimpse of a candy or Chocolate but real happiness where you actually for once believe in yourself and strive to achieve the countless hopes and dreams on your list. During this magical time you can believe whatever you wished for, anything ..more likely everything is possible. However this period of time is shortly lived and and somehow it ends . It is like the death of one of your precious and most treasured dreams. 'Reality' hits you and even the possible returns into impossible all your hopes of achieve fall and there is really nothing much to do but to sit there an think that you will be pretty much like everyone else who lost their courage to follow their dreams simply because of intimidation and lack of confidence. Confidence had always been an unsolvable issue that bothered me throughout my childhood. To my peers, friends and family it seems my confidence is too much but really I do not possess any confidence. The face which I shows towards others is so I can appear strong and mainly because I am scared of being hurt. Although I am young I believe I have had enough experience  to realise that showing weakness in this almost cruel world I guess is something someone should never do. Weakness when it is exposed makes the person lower and comforts the other person that the you are as worse as them, there is really no empathy but more likely it 'makes' the other person feel better of themselves. It is shocking and actually really scary that you have grown up so fast because you always believed that life would somehow wait for you to grow up and be ready. You find yourself realising that what you think and view of life is terribly silly. You become frequently or mostly scared that you will end up doing what you don't want to wand it's scary. Rather than believing in yourself and following the quote Yolo you became frail at the thought of life