Title: What I Want To Do If I Have A Lover

Author: earlyseven and abee15here

Reviewer: ctrl_me

---

 

Title: 2/5

The title's too long and not that catchy.

 

Posters/Graphics: 2/5

I found your poster lacking. It's crowded since you have lots of characters. You can just put two or three of them, just like what you did on some chapters.

 

Description/Foreword: 5/10

There's no need for you to describe each character, really. You can just say that Yoseob is YoJin's cousin, Dongwoon and Junhyung are your friends, etc. But if you really want to tell the readers their personalities, two to three sentences are enough.

 

Originality: 4/10

Unfortunately, it's not that original. I know you're trying to put interesting scenes so, I gave you 4 points.:))

 

Plot: 11/20

Honestly, I didn't read the whole story. But it's pretty good since your readers are loving it. I just found it a bit boring.

 

Grammar/Spelling: 10/30

Okay. Umm... Typo is your common mistake. I've encountered lots of them. You should try reading it first before posting it. You have lots of typos and that means you have lots of spelling mistakes.

Now, I'll show you the others.

Chapter 1:

1. 'Its been a tiring day for me.' It should be: 'It's been a tiring day for me.'
2. 'Thank God i spotted one. a vacant seat beside a sleeping girl leaning on the window.' It should be: 'Thank God I spotted one - a vacant seat beside a sleeping girl, leaning on the window.' You left the second statement hanging, incomplete. So you can just put it together with the first one.

Chapter 2:

1. 'I sit up straight and stretched my arms in the air.' It should be: 'I sat up straight and stretched my arms in the air.' Be consistent with your verb use. Most of the time, writers use the past tense of a verb.
2. 'I'm going to Yo Jin's place mom.' It should be: 'I'm going to Yo Jin's place, mom.' Use commas to separate certain parts of speeches from your main thought. For example, you wrote 'So i stayed on the sofa watching television.' It should be: 'So I stayed on the sofa, watching television.' Commas help readers understand some sentences or scenes easily.

Chapter 3:

1. '... as the people goes out of the train...' It should be: '... as people go out of the train...' The noun 'people' is in plural form so, you should use the singular form of the verb. Instead of 'goes', use 'go'.
2. 'I bumped on the floor.' That a bit awkward to read. There's no way you will bump on the floor. Just use the term 'fell'.

Aside from those written above, I'll remind you of your capitalization. I'm kind of strict with it.:)) The word 'I' should always be capitalized. Every sentence starts with a capital letter. Like this. <---

Oh! And try avoiding smileys. It's not necessary to express happiness, sadness, disappointment, etc.

 

Flow: 4/10

I found it slow... and fast.:)) The fic is a bit boring because the flow is slow... or maybe it's because there's nothing exciting yet. Fast, because there are sudden shifts, each POV is short, and there are some boring scenes.

 

Neatness: 5/5

I have no problem with this.:))

 

Extra: 2/5

 

Total: 45/100