Honestly this is the first blog post I've ever attempted. I'm not really into sharing my thoughts but woohoo! Bye pride!

My head throbbed today and I was too lazy to actually go to the clinic. It was pretty dumb of me but the ache didn't really bother me (bothered my studies though. I didn't listen quite well to the classes I didn't like but I could care less)

I hope I don't have off-line friends here that I encounter at school. Those guys would kill me with their "hey what's up with your post last night", but I'm pretty sure I've got none here. I don't want to bother them and in turn, I don't want them to notice that I'm breaking (maybe not breaking. Maybe there's just that little widening crack). I usually show them that even when I'm pissed, even when I'm at my lowest point, I can still manage to be very entertaining. Someone who won't show a glum face. I really enjoy what I do, making others happy. And I'm not bothered by the fact that maybe sometimes (no really, these times are very rare), I tend to hide my sadness (which, like I said, comes at the least of times). I've got Lord God, up there, watching over me and I can't give up no matter what I'd do. Because he gives me the strength I need. How would you feel when you give a kid a bike, then after the kid fell only a few times, he gave up. How would you feel? Or maybe if the kid fell more than necessary, but he still kept on going; how would you feel? It makes sense right?

I'll start with early this week (our second week of classes). All of the pretty-much-unwanted things were dumped on me this week. Homework, complaints, and these kids in my house (no it's okay little children; I'm nice when you don't come every 20 seconds to hug me. Even though I find it very sweet, it gets annoying sooo ..!.. kids will be kids) Everything started off good. Everything was in place, everything was happy and I got along with everyone I talked to. But due to my incessant and very ignorant ways, I disappointed someone and in turn, I got the taste of my own medicine. If you want a detailed story, I'd give you a few information.

I somehow called her very boasting and she took it the wrong way because she deepened the subject and even accused me of not appreciating all her efforts. I ing do! She's not the nicest kid on the block and it was very hard for me to delve in deeper and realize her hard work when she's not even telling us and sharing her thoughts to us. Sometimes she says she doesn't even care about us. Sure sure suuuuuure. It's a way of making us work harder isn't it? I get it. But when I try to lecture her, she's not even listening and has her own novel of thoughts. The others aren't working hard enough? I beg to differ. Maybe you just don't understand that passion is all that is needed. I tried to tell her that, in a way that I won't seem angry or anything. I was like her advisor (or maybe I'm the only one who thought so buuut), I was the one she would always pull with her whenever she wanted to complain or rant about something in our group. I was glad I had taken that position but it was disappointing, the way she couldn't understand my words or even others'.

I completely understand. And that is why I was determined to change her in some... sort of way, I guess. But I guess I started roughly and it resulted to... that. And I don't wanna say anything more. I just wanted to type this, finish this, and look at this months in the future and laugh. Trust me it's a very good remedy!

I realize that it's my own fault that things are like this. But I have to catch up. I've said my apologies. Maybe it's just not my fault this time that we're not okay yet. She has to forgive, sincerely. But I'll respect her decision if she chooses no to. Because before when things were broken, they were fixed and dealt with. Not thrown away. I'd just have to pray to God and wait for an answer.