So I'm blogging this out on my phone so forgive any typos, the lack of size and colour and... everything else... So as the title states, I want someone to talk to. No, I'm not lonely, I do have friends to talk about stuff like this but I want an unbiased opinion. I want a stranger's point of view, and I want them to be brutally honest as well. I'm feeling rather... not depressed but sad and distant lately. I've only just come to realise what's happening around me and I really don't like it. The truth scares me. I'm turning 14 in 46 days. That's 6 weeks and 4 days. I'm going into year 10 in just over 4 weeks and am going to start my GCSE's. Proper exams, proper coursework, proper grades, proper certificates... I made a bet with my parents that I could get a C and higher on ALL of my exams. But anyway... The truth is, life is passing by me too fast. I've gone through 3 years of secondary school already. It feels like only yesterday I was still a year 6 being shown around the hgih school I'd be attending in 2 months. I went to my primary school yesterday, June 13th, 2012. It was weird... I was standing in the reception looking over at all the awards the school had won- when I was there and when I wasn't- and I teared up. I could feel my walls breaking down. To add to this sad mind set, I feel immensely self-conscious and pressured to do better. I understand that our reports are being finished next week but I'm trying my best to get high levels in the the subjects I won't be taking for the next two years. I don't need to be told I can do better or that I'm not trying hard enough! I suddenly feel self-conscious of every little thing I do; from eating to just putting my pen down on the desk. I constantly feel over weight compared to one of my best friends, who's just got over her whole 'eat-and-then-throw-it-back-up-because-I'm-fat-even-though-I'm-only-8-stone'. She's very pretty too and I always feel inferior to her when I'm around her. I haven't ever had a boyfriend either and the people who I don't want to like me, like me. She knows this yet she constantly asks ME for advice. What can I do?! She's had tons of boyfriends and I haven't even had a guy friend (apart from one but he lives in another town now and I can't see him). I don't really want a boyfriend seeing as I'm gonna be working my off for the next two years but... And I told said best friend when she asked me that I wouldn't mind going out with a girl. I mean, what's the big problem? So she'll be the same gender. Big deal. At least it's not an animal or a toddler or a dead person. I wouldn't want to go all the way, you know, I am ONLY 13 after all. But she goes and tell everyone and then says it's weird. She's the one who told me she was biual. And of course, she lied to me about being pregnant. I will admit, I am gullible and naive at times and I did have some wine (it was Christmas half term) but I don't understand why'd she'd lie about something like that. Okay, so I should've stopped believing her when she said it was with a teacher when said teacher has a wife and child but I didn't know that at the time! I was in tears , hysterics actually, and now she goes around telling everyone she sees, laughing at me. I thought I was losing my best friend... I'm never gonna be able to trust her again. Me and parents argue all the time too. Especially with my mum. We go all out. I call her , she calls me a cow. We're a dysfunctional family ^ ^; But it annoys me how much we do argue. She's never at home most of the time because she's doing 11 hour night shifts 3, 4, 5, sometimes even 6 times a freaking week! Not to mention her other job... it's like she doesn't have time for her kids anymore... I get it, she's in debt, but I'll gladly help when I'm old enough to get a job! But she won't let me help... She's the best mum in the world to me though- she buys me all these nice stuff I want and spoils me rotten and cares about me and talks to me about what's troubling me and what do I do? Throw it back in her face. My dad and I have begun rowing with each other as well. He hates me attitude and I hate his. But what gets at me the most is when my mum and brothers tell me he's only proud of me for my talents. I can draw, that's it. I'm nothing compared to his little Savannah- my younger half-sister. She's only 4, bless her heart, so I can't and don't want to take it out on her but it's so annoying! "She's so smart!" He says. "She's so talented!" He brags. What about me and my brothers, born to the woman he apparently still loves? I was a mistake. At first he wanted me aborted... but he changed his mind. Oh, and he might have bowel cancer or lung cancer as well... My brother's who care about me but don't show it, I argue with them a lot too. Mostly my eldest one, Nick. He tries his hardest and I act like he doesn't try at all. I feel terrible because he's slit his wrists before and has depression and my dad alreadys beats on at him enough about how he's a failure, a up and a e. He's not. The only reason my dad says that is because he went out with a girl who told him she was 16 while he was 18. She wasn't, obviously. She turned out to be 12... so he stopped seeing her. But then he had to see her again (well, talk to) because she was going through depression and was talking about killing herself because her parents wouldn't let her see him :/ I don't really communicate much with me others either... My cat, Ayumi, passed away 3 months ago due to stomach cancer and now my current cat, her sister, might have stomach cancer too. My other brother cracked his sternerm (spelling?) and stuff so he's not in the best of moods (and health I guess?) I live on a street that's directly next to one of the worst estates in my town and some of the girls want to knock me out. I don't know them but apparently they know me and I've done something so worthy, they feel the need to beat me in because of it. Nice. I feel like I'm the only who thinks life is going by too quick and as much as I'd love to voice my opinions out, I'll feel like they'll laugh at me like my friends usually do... You guys, my readers, subscribers and just random people who read blogs xD I need you. You're all technically strangers to me and I want your opinion on EVERYTHING. Be brutal, harsh, and even call me names if that floats your boat. I just want some advice... Please...? As always, Love, Hopefulstartii...