How Far Am I Willing To Go by MsKitten

Reviewed by Yana

Title (5/5)
I think your title really fits your story perfectly!

Appearance (6/10)
Your paragraph is good, it doesn’t look like you trying to compressed all the words in it. However, I advised you to stick to the same size and style of fonts for your story to make it look neater. But for your poster, I can’t really feel the mood of your story from it. Your story is all angsts, but I can’t feel anything when I see your poster.

Description & Foreword (7/10)
Nothing much to say here. But I have to cut a few points because you’ve some grammar errors.

Plot (10/10)
This is the first time I read a story like this. A police in love with a minor e that was ually abused by his father. Really love the plot, very unique.

Originality (10/10)
I’ve never read a story where Minho is a police, and he has a son on top of that. This is definitely an original!

Flow (3/5)
The flow was a bit fast at first. I mean, Taemin had to stay with Minho for five months?! That’s just too ridiculous, I know he had no parents and guardian, but you should explained better why must he stay with Minho for that period of time.

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary (3/20)
Your grammar is not on the worst level, but still, there are too many error. You have overflowing sentences that acquire me to re-read it over and over again to really understand your writing. I mean, I was already lost from the moment I read your first paragraph in chapter 1. Here are some of your mistakes:

I unlocked the doors and it came in and took the seat next to me.

‘It’? It should be ‘she’ or ‘he’. You’re referring to a person. Not a thing or an animal. And I think your sentence would be better like this:

She/He came in and took a seat next to me when I unlocked the door.

"Do you want to go to jail," He dropped his jaw in disbelief that I was really pulling that type of card.

It should be: "Do you want to go to jail?" He dropped his jaw in disbelief that I was really pulling that type of card.

"Sounds good to me. Let's go around the corner," As we pulled off, he was putting his hair in a ponytail getting ready for what he thought he was going to have to do.

After comma, no need to use capital. But I think you should put full stop instead of comma and changed your sentence a bit. So it should be like this:

"Sounds good to me, let's go around the corner."

As we pulled off I noticed that he was putting his hair in a ponytail, getting ready for what he thought he was going to have to do.

I wasn't trying to be out here all night so let's get this damn show on the rode.

You have a spelling mistake. It should be:

I’m not going to be out here all night so let's get this damn show on the road.

But from chapter 7 onwards, it’s like reading a whole new level. Your story has improved impressively. There is less error and I’m starting to get interested. So I suggest that you proof-read your story again and correct all your mistakes.

Writing Style (5/10)
You have a nice writing style but your grammar errors were really distracting. And then for your chapter 1, I’ve a bit complained about this sentence:

I became an officer because I wanted to catch robbers not sit on a street waiting on .

So he became an officer just to catch robbers? Don’t you think this sentence is a bit too childish? Just a suggestion, you could make your sentence like this:

I became a police because I want to catch the bad guys, do some action. Not sitting around on a street waiting for some damn .

I’m also a bit confused with this sentence:

I got to the station about an hour late because I had to get ready and make sure I cleaned out my car, not leaving information leading them to realize I was a cop.

You said he went to the station, which is the police station right? Then why does he have to clean his car from any info that might leak him as a cop? Who are them?

For chapter 18, Minho went to Teamin’s parents’ house right? But isn’t it a bit weird that his mom let Minho in easily? He didn’t even tell her he’s a police, nor he showed her his id. And then how did Minho knew Taemin’s mom was involved too? You gotta explain more.

Then I’ve noticed in chapter 2, you suddenly changed the POV from Minho to Taemin without any warning. That’s not good; you should indicate whose POV is whose.

You used many profanities in your story, it’s not wrong to use it. But the way you put it, it really made your story seems really childish and immature. However, like I said before. Starting from chapter 7, your story improved greatly! It’s like really good although there are some errors. When you wrote about Taemin getting taught about the ‘bad thing’, it was like I was in his shoes. I was kind of getting creep out, with the piss and the e. You successfully conveyed the emotion of your story, well to me at least.

Reader's feedback (10/10)
All your readers gave positive comments, so that means your story really received tons of loves. Congrats dear.

Ending (4/5)
I think your ending is okay. But I don’t know, it’s like there’s something missing. I just can’t put any word to it.

Overall Enjoyment (6/10)
Honestly, I really did try to enjoy your story. I mean the plot is really fantastic, but I really can’t enjoy it because you have way too many grammar, punctuation and spelling mistake. Your fonts also keep changing for each chapter. Those really bother me.

TOTAL - (69/105) with ending

Yana's Note:

Sorry if I’m kind of harsh and really sorry if this review kind of . I’m actually in a rush while doing this, but I still gave my best. Hope your story will turn better.