Review for aprylic

Title: heartless machine

Author: aprylic

Reviewer: ctrl_me

Title: 5/5

The title is simple, but really interesting. It suits your story.

Poster/Graphics: 9/10

I actually love the poster. The only problem is that I can't read the texts clearly.

Foreword/Description: 9.5/10

I love the girl's POV. Everything's fine with the foreword. I deducted half a point because the text in your description is in lower case. There's no capitalization in your sentences.

Originality: 9/10

I've read stories about someone who died, then was given the second chance to live. But you gave it a twist - a second chance inside a machine's body. That's cool.:))

Plot: 18/20

I really like the plot. It's interesting and also exciting.

Grammar/Spelling: 19/30

I've seen a few errors and I'll point out some of them

'I have the body, every girl in the school wants to have.'

I found the comma unnecessary. You can just omit it and it will look like this: 'I have the body every girl in the school wants to have.'

'... Can you help me with Maths? Because we write an exam next week..'

This was one of Minah's llines. And Minah's still a student so, why would she write an exam? It should be: '... Can you help me with Maths? Because there will be an exam next week..' or maybe 'Because we will have an exam next week..'

'I turned aroung...'

I think this one's a typo. I found some more of this.

'His face lost all of it's emotion.'

It should be: 'His face lost all of its emotions.'

'A romantic story has those up and downs, when the girl is loved by the boy, everything feels so right.'

You should have split this line into two sentences. It should be: 'A romantic story has those ups and downs. When the girl is loved by the boy, everything feels so right.'

'He carried a red rose with him. Her favorites.'

There's only one subject in the first sentence, the red rose. So, the second statement should be: 'Her favorite.'

The ones above are some of your mistakes. I suggest you reread the chapters first before posting them up.

Flow: 4/10

For me, the story's fast and confusing. Some chapters ended even without something exciting. It made those chapters useless. Some chapters are confusing, a scene immediately followed by an unrelated scene.

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