17 - What I Call Hell

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Title – [3 marks]

Your title was not very eye-catching or interesting. Yes, it is simple but the too attract a reader, to lure them into reading your story, you have to have a title does stands out. You need to be more creative because your title makes your sound like you have a weak vocabulary. Why is it “What I Call Hell” anyway? Is it because she is living with the Nu’est? Okay let us just say that it is that. -2 marks for the lack of ability to make it more eye-catching.

Description/Foreword – [6 marks]

Your description was okay. It certainly made me wonder why Hae Ri and Baekho were arguing/yelling at each other and also why he had to be gone for three months. But you could have come up with a much better description, something that fully relates to both your title and story. The description is to attract readers and in my opinion, not many will be attracted to your current description. You do not have to change it but do remember to come up with a much stronger description next time. Sadly, your description had grammatical errors which made it really bad but we will discuss about that later. -2 marks for the grammatical errors and the lack of power to lure readers in with description.

Your foreword made me want to cry. I do not like it when writers provide their characters information because revealing your characters personality and/or physical features is like revealing your body to a random stranger. You should not do that. Instead, you should let your readers witness their personality, physical features and background as they read on. You could have placed a prologue or a small introductory note of your story or something. -2 marks for revealing your characters information.

Poster/Background/Trailer – [3 marks]

I am not going to lie to you; your poster was not at all attractive. I am not saying it to offend you – because I am not - but I do not think the poster suits your story… at all. I mean the poster is not bad and I am certainly not trying to say that it is not well made but it would be better if you requested for one; one that suits your story. The picture of JR did not mix well, the kiss marks and the palm trees – or are those flowers? – was not even mentioned in the story and the fonts were not at all that nice. I am sorry but it is the truth, do try requesting from shops, yes? This also includes the background. I can suggest you a good one if you want. -3 for the bad quality of poster, and not going along with the story.

Characterization – [10 marks]

I do not really know Nu’est that well because I am not a fan – sorry to disappoint you, pure and forever a VIP here – but I did ask a friend who is an avid fan of Nu’est and she said that you did a great job portraying Nu’est. And to have that coming from is an absolutely awkward and new experience. She said you made Ren so cute, and again that was awkward to hear from her but for me, I like the cold but slightly caring JR. As for you OC, well, she seemed a little too cliché for me. She is just like every other OC there is. You even made her seem like a Mary Sue and that is not a good thing. You should work on developing your OC. Since your story is still on-going, work on that and for BTOB as well. -5 marks for your cliché OC.

Plot – [9 marks]

I have actually read stories with a similar plot as yours; therefore, I marked your story as cliché. Scratch that, it was not just cliché, it was beyond that. Everything within the story – the events, the lines – they were all cliché. Do not feel bad, I am just trying to help you. Next time please do come up with a better plot, be creative, and think outside the box. You can always turn that cliché plot into something that is not cliché. Work on that, yeah? For now, I am sorry but 9 marks is the only mark I can grant you.

English – [8 marks]

Your English was not bad; it was understandable and simple but if you are an aspiring writer, aiming to be on top then you have to work on improving. The only advice I can give you is to read more books and the dictionary as well. You actually had some grammatical errors in your story but I suggest you try to correct those on your own or if you want get a beta. In my opinion, do not overuse Korean words like “oppa” because it is annoying. Trust me, I would know. In addition to that, you also have to work on your punctuations; punctuations play a vital role in stories. -7 for most of the mistakes my eyes caught.

Flow – [5 marks]

Your flow was quite good; it was not rushed or too slow. I will have to say that you did a great job on that, keep it up!

Comments from Readers – [10 marks]

72 subscribers and wonderful comments all the way, need I say more?

Overall Enjoyment – [3 marks]

I would be lying to you if I said I enjoyed this story because honestly, I did not enjoy it so much. It was so-so but it was not that good for me. You need to work on your flaws which are all above and I am sure you will be on your way. -2 marks for the lack of enjoyment I had.

Extra tips – Read more books, as well as the dictionary. You also need to work on describing things, characters and emotions.

Reviewer’s note: Hi, please do not be disheartened by the mark. It is just a number; I think most of the marks were deducted from the plot category meaning you have to work on making bolder plots. You can do it, just think outside the box. If you have any questions, do not hesitate to PM me!