I fell in Love with my Cousin by Angel28

Reviewed by Yana

Title (1/5)
It sounds cute and straight forward, but your story is a sad one right? And the title is not very interesting. And the title should be like this, ‘I Fell in Love with My Cousin’ instead of I fell in Love with my Cousin.

Appearance (3/10)
For your background you could probably use a plain grey or something dull in colour to portray your story sadness instead of the cute baby blue background. And your poster, it’s not really bad, but the pictures you use it’s not really suitable for a sad story. The story title colour is also not very suitable. I suggest that you should ask someone else to make a poster for your story, requesting from a graphic shop maybe. And then you should stop making those colourful fonts, it was really hard to read your story and it made the story looked like a happy cute one. You should stick to one colour only, and since this is a sad story, maybe black or grey colour is suitable. You also used the wrong style of font for your story’s theme.

Description & Foreword (6/10)
You give the story summary and the characters’ profile in your description, that is nice. And I love your story’s summary, short and good. It made me want to know what happened. And you put author note in the foreword, that’s okay too. But once again, please stop with the colourful fonts.

Plot (4/10)
Very cliché. You fell in love with him, but he loves your best friend. Not a very refreshing plot. But the ending was really unpredictable, so I give you a point on that.

Originality (5/10)
I gotta say yes on this since this my first time reading a story with Youngmin and Kwangmin of Boyfriend; I don’t really know them.

Flow (5/5)
Your flow is fine since this only a one shot. 

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary (6/20)
You never mentioned anything about your language, so I considered English is your mother tongue? But you have too many errors. For example:
“Help Me! Eottokhe?” he asked panicking.
It should be: “Help me! Eottokhe?” He asked panicking.
“Mwo? You went here just for that?
It should be: “Mwo? You came here just for that?
And this is just some of them, some of your lines even made me have to re-read it over a few times to try what’re you trying to say.

Writing Style (3/10)
You shouldn’t compressed all those sentences in a one long paragraph. It could make people confused while reading. You could cut the paragraph to be shorter to make it neater. After the two years, you should use the third person P.O.V or other characters’ P.O.V since the main character died. I mean, it sounds weird to be reading in my P.O.V, who’s supposedly dead. And you should control the amount of Korean words you used, because it really made your story seems childish.

Reader's feedback (10/10)
All your readers love your story! Congrats. 

Ending (3/5)
Like I said, I never expect for her to die. So I give you points there. But what happened to Jiyeon? Or the bad guy? I mean, I expect for you to make Jiyeon regret and coming to the grave or something. 

Overall Enjoyment (2/10)
I’m sorry, but I didn’t really enjoy reading this. Firstly because I’m not a big fan of Boyfriend, and then those colourful fonts made my eyes hurt. Plus with all the paragraph and your error, it really made me lose interest to read this.

TOTAL - 48/105 

Note: I’m sorry if this review is really harsh. But I hope it will not break your spirit, let’s just take this as a constructive critic to help you make an even better story in the future. ^^