"Living in one roof with a total stranger that used to be my bestfriend?!" by b2stlyoseob125

Reviewed by ELF

Title: 1/5
The title is just too long. Best friend is supposed to be two separated words, and you don't live in a roof. You live under a roof. I would have shortened your title like this, "Living Under the Same Roof as my Ex-Best Friend." I still think that's a bit too long for my liking so I would go even shorter, "Living With My Ex-Best Friend"

Appearance: 3/5
You type in plain black ink and a nice font so it's easy to read. Plus points for that. Your background is a collection of pictures of Byunghyun (I think) so it's safe to assume that he's one of the main characters. Your poster is a bit busy. L. Joe's picture doesn't really match the theme, the font in that color is a bit hard to see, especially with all the prints in the background. Your poster says the wrong title too, it's missing the word roof.

Description/Foreword: 3/10
Your description is all in caps. That's a big no-no. When I see a story where something is all in caps (ie. the title, the description, the foreword, etc.) I instantly want to stop reading it. Your story has to be really good if you want to keep me reading when everything is in caps. Writing everything in caps is okay when you're having a conversation with your best friend, not in your story. It screams unprofessionalism and irks me to no end. You use way to many exclamation points, question marks, and periods in one sentence. After the sentence "Living with him……." there should only be three periods max. Same goes for exclamation points and question marks, anything more than three is redundant. Your description is in short sentences separated into "paragraphs." I don't necessarily like it. 

"WHAT HAVE I'VE DONE WRONG TO BE LIVING WITH HIM?" You're basically saying, "What have I have done wrong to be living with him?" It should be, "What have I done wrong to be living with him?" 

When you type worst, it should be worse.

In your foreword you do a character chart/bios. I have a particular love-hate relationship with character bios. I think it's an easy way out for the author to describe their characters without having to describe them in the story. I like them because I like looking at the pictures they use. 

For Lee Ji Hye, you capitalized the 'o' in ordinary, it should be lowercase. It should be an in front of ordinary instead of a. You switched tenses too, going from present tense to past tense, and back. You also type hell yeah a lot, which I see unnecessary where you placed them. 

During the dialogue you wrote, "5 MINS, UNNIE" People don't say "mins" they say minutes. Don't use abbreviations in speech, I consider it to be a lazy way out of typing the actual word. You also forgot the punctuation at the end of the sentence. Also, it should be "she slaps me" instead of "she slap me." 

Since this part is already so long, I'll stop there.

Characterization: 5/10
You have these awkward moments where you make Ji Hye sound like a conceited rich person, or maybe she's supposed to be like that. Like when you say, "… they were staring at my porcelain, smooth legs." You don't really describe your characters that well, even in the character bio thing in the foreword.

Plot: 5/15
It's a pretty generic plot. I'm pretty sure I've seen other stories like this before.

Flow: 15/15
The flow is alright. A bit faster for my liking but nothing too major.

Grammar & Spelling: 10/25
You write in present tense, which is a really hard way to write and it can also be awkward to read. You do this thing where you use the wrong tense of the word or you miss letters. For instance, the last paragraph of the tenth chapter.

Your version, "And so you know why my heart is not open from anyone. It's because it is lock for someone special, but I guess it will not last quite longer because someone is unlocking the lock to it and it is L.JOE. I don't freaking care if he is a stupid jerk, but I obviously don't like him. He is just someone special and 1st in everything. I guess I will change after all because of him. L.Joe will be my friend someday. And I will wait for it to happen."

My version (present tense), "So now you know the reason as to why my heart stays locked, and will not open for anyone. Someone special holds the key to my heart, but someone else is finding his own way in. L. Joe, that freaking jerk. I will make him my friend one day, and I will wait for eternity for it to happen."

Do you see the changes I made? Honestly, writing in past tense would really benefit your writing, but it's not wrong to write in present tense. It's just really hard. 

I'm just going to be nit-picky with your description/foreword.

After eotteoke there should be a question mark since it's asking, "What should I do?" 

There should be a space between every sentence, either that or separate a sentence with a comma, but even then you put a space after the comma. 

Also, don't capitalize names in the middle of a sentence. Only capitalize the first letters of the name, not the whole thing. If you want to put emphasis then either bold it or italicize it.

Writing: 2/5
Your writing style is very unique, but since you write in present tense and have a tendency to put hell yeah in where it doesn't belong, I don't like it that much.

Enjoyment: 2/5

-No Bonus-

Total: 46/100

ELF's Note: I'm really sorry for the late review, I had competition out of state and I had to catch up on school work. I'm also really sorry if you think this review is too harsh. I hope you find some useful information in it though! Please continue to write, and keep improving!