Toulouse: The City Of Refuge by KPossible21

Reviewed by ELF

Title: 4/5
Very nice, you capitalized the right words, and it's not to long nor short. But since I had no idea where Toulouse was, I thought you made the place up. 

Appearance: 5/5
No poster, and no background which is totally fine. You wrote in plain black and the font was easy to read. Good script size too.

Description/Foreword: 9/10
Your description is nice. A line from an Infinite song that sets the mood was a nice touch. The last sentence with the eclipses looked awkward so I think a simple comma would have been sufficient. You could have put the note about Toulouse in the Foreword but that's okay. The foreword is very nice. I love it, to be honest. It makes you wonder, "Where did Myungsoo go?" "Why is Amber staying with Minho and Yuri?" etc.

Characterization: 8/10
First off, I was kind of confused about Minho and Sungyeol's relationship. At the end of chapter one you said they were enemies, but in the foreword they seemed like pretty good friends. 

You explained the characters nicely; Sungyeol a hopeless romantic that used to be somewhat of a playboy in the past, Myungsoo was someone who committed to someone if he knew for sure that he loved her, the fathers are strict, controlling, and a bit crazy, and then there's Hyuna. Minho and Yuri were explained very nicely as well.

Plot: 15/15
Never seen anything like this, good job.

Flow: 13/15
The flow is pretty good. The first chapter is in the present and then you just got back into the past to explain exactly why Sungyeol is there, and hopeful in the future, where Myungsoo went.

Grammar & Spelling: 20/25
A few misspellings here and there, a few grammar errors scattered around; nothing too noticeable.

The fourth line of the first chapter has a tense error in it. You switched from present to past tense and back, and it's very noticeable. 

"I could feel my breath caught in my throat and instantly take a deep breath to calm myself."

Correction: I could feel my breath catch in my throat and I instantly take a deep breath to calm myself.

Second chapter, "… he always looked out for me and L."

Correction: … he always looked out for L and me.

Second Chapter, "Whenever we came to his cafe, he made sure he treated us like a VIP.

Correction, "Whenever we came to his cafe, he always made sure that we were treated like VIP's."

Little things like that.

Writing: 2/5
I really do like your writing style, but I don't like the vocabulary at the beginning. If the word that you're translating is in the middle of the chapter, I'm not going to remember what it meant and then I'll be really confused. Also, you write in present tense, and while that isn't wrong, it can be a bit awkward to read at times.

Enjoyment: 3/5
I usually read stories so it was nice to take a break from them. I've never read a MyungBer/YeolBer fiction before so it was really refreshing.

Bonus: 3/5
A bonus since I took so long with your review. Sorry about that.

Total: 82/100

ELF's Note: I'm so sorry I took so long! I thought I had started the review, but my computer lost it all! I'm so sorry!