Living With 5 erted Vampires by AienaFieka97 and CupCakeMelody192

Reviewed by Imz

Title: (8/10)

Appearance: (8/10)

The story is not that scary but the posters are.

Description and Foreword: (10/15)

Originality: (7/10) 

Flow: (6/10)

Grammar, Spelling and Punctuation: (10/20)

-please prepare yourself ;)-

In your synopsis:

jumpened around, should be jumped around.

Characterization:

17 years-old-girls SHOULD BE '17 YEAR OLD GIRL'.. You didn’t notice that you were living with a group of monster called vampires when you were there at first SHOULD BE 'MONSTERS'.

They were really fierce and can be ert sometimes. SHOULD BE 'CAN BE ERTED SOMETIMES'.

Chapter 1:

The mansion was white in coloured.SHOULD BE 'was white in colour'

Opposite the mansion was a fountain and in the yard was a big lake. OPPOSITE THE MANSION?

There were hundreds of fishes swimming in the lake with a turtle swimming in the lake too. SHOULD BE
'there were hundreds of fishes and a turtle swimming in the lake'

Without thinking any further, you walked to the main entrance and pull out your keys.
SHOULD BE 'and pulled out your keys'

You unlocked the door get inside your house. SHOULD BE "the door to get niside..'

The living room were big... SHOULD BE "living room was big'

You put your luggage down and thrown yourself on the bed. SHOULD BE 'and threw yourself..'

After took a shower... SHOULD BE 'after you took..'

...What with the other rooms?” SHOULD BE ' what's with...'

...I will find out it tomorrow. SHOULD BE 'find it out...'

Chapter 2

After 45 minutes jogged, SHOULD BE '...45 minutes of jogging...'

You entered the second room and shocked. SHOULD BE '..second room and was shocked...'

and other furniture SHOULD BE 'other furnitures...'

throw away the blood in the sink SHOULD BE '...threw away..'

“I have a bad feeling pn this.” PN?

never been lived by peoples SHOULD BE '..people'

and saw bottle full of blood on the table SHOULD BE "...and saw a bottle..'

the television switched on as well as the radio. SHOULD BE '...switched on, as well as...'

you feel liked got an electric shock. SHOULD BE 'you felt like you got an..'

5 guys behind your and SHOULD BE '...behind you..'

body using thick blanket and started to cry SHOULD BE '..by using thick blanket..' WHERE DID SHE GET THAT?

mysterious man appeared in front of you and beaten him. SHOULD BE '..man to appear..and beat him.'

Chapter 3

no one bother about it SHOULD BE ' no one bothered about..'

blah blah blah.

I don't want to offend you that much so let's stop there, I saw more but let's not.

Characterization: (7/10)

Writing: (6/10)

-no bonus-

Total: (62/100)

Imz' Note: If it's rated M, make sure it really is. Like in your chapters with the 'M' mark, it has nothing to do with mature stuffs at all just some normalharassments. And there were a lot of wrong grammars, try re-reading it and proofread. If English is not your first language, you should've said so. I'm not harsh in this review at all so don't get me wrong. Try to make your chapters longer too.

I'm sure you guys can do a better job. Gambatte!