'This' Love WAS nothing to you, but it WAS everything to me by lovely_ninja_monkey

Reviewed by CL

Title: 2/5

- I’ll be completely honest here: I am not a fan of your title, at all. It’s way too long, not capitalized correctly, and, overall, could have been done a lot better. I don’t think it’s necessary to put “Now Available for All” as if your title is an updated status rather than a real title, either.

Appearance: 3/5

- The poster looks nice. However, the pictures you used for Sungjong and Hoya don’t match the overall theme of your poster. The placement of the chains on Sungjong’s hands is odd. I’m not a big fan of the font/color you used for the title; it’s not flamboyant enough - though I like how you enlarged the word “was” to make it fit for both parts of the sentence. 

The background was okay - just a trifle little too dark. 

Description and Foreword: 6/10

- The first thing I would like to say is that the highlighting of the words with all those colors gave me a headache, and readers generally don’t like when writers do that.

Now for the actual content. I felt that the description was redundant, and I think that mentioning a child gave away a little too much (though I’m not sure because this child hasn’t even been mentioned yet). I do think you should have mentioned somewhere in there (rather than in the foreword) that Sungjong and Sunggyu were hermaphrodites. 
The character descriptions you put in your foreword should really go into the description part. One question I have about that character description - why didn’t you mention Key at all? From what I’ve read, it seems like he’s a major-ish character... Overall, I don’t suggest having character descriptions because it gives away too much, especially when there are characters in there that haven’t even been introduced to the story yet. That’s just my personal preference, though.
Overall, the content was so-so, but the highlighting/coloring was a big no-no. 

Plot: 17/25

- The main plot of this is - to put it bluntly - really, really cliché. I’ve seen the plot about the bet to make some-loner fall in love with the guy but don’t fall in love with said loner many, many times. It’s pretty unique that Sungjong is a hermaphrodite, but still, the plot is predictable (so far). That isn’t a good thing.

One thing that beats me is the reason for Myungsoo’s revenge. So he thought Sungjong was a girl and fell in love with him (who he thought was a her). So? Is it somehow Sungjong’s fault for Myungsoo’s misconceptions? Is being gay wrong? (Sorry, I had to put it in there). I don’t know, it doesn’t seem like a plausible reason for Myungsoo to hate Sungjong. 

Writing Style: 10/15

- It’s very straightforward and to the point. Kudos to you for that. I just feel like there is not enough description in here - something that you definitely need to work on. It would be nice if you wrote longer paragraphs instead of just dialogue for the entire thing - and it would be nice if the chapters were a bit longer. 

Characterization: 11/20

- Err. The characters haven’t really been developed. We never know their true feelings; you mainly just put what they do (as in their actions) rather than how they feel. For example, it wouldn’t hurt to have Sungjong think if he liked Myungsoo or not, rather than just saying “my heart beats faster for him”. The characters are flat and don’t have the element; they are quite unrealistic.

Grammar and Spelling: 10/15

- It’s a good thing that I can understand what you write. It’s just that there are many spelling and grammatical errors. Here are a few:

it’s great, not grate
there are many typos - for example, “his” instead of “hi”
It’s “you were”, not “you where”
I suggest getting a beta reader OR double-checking your chapters and editing them regularly. 

Enjoyment: 3/5

- The story was nice, but it isn’t something I would recommend to my friends. It lacked the depth. 

to sum it up …
The title is way too long and it doesn’t really catch my attention. The plot isn’t exactly unique, and could be better. The characters are sometimes irrational and unrealistic. You could work on their feelings more. The description is almost non-existent, and the grammar/spelling is understandable but not perfect. 

SCORE { 62% }
 

CL's Note: I’m sorry for being so harsh, but this was just my personal opinion. Your fanfiction has great potential, but some important elements are lacking. Please do not take the score to heart! I wrote this just to help you improve. Thanks for requesting <3