MY FAMILY AGAINST MY FANDOM

I was being scolded that time when my mom brought up my fandom. She said that it was ridiculous and useless-- me being an ELF. Me liking Super Junior and Kpop music and so on...

 

We've discussed this issue several times before and for all those times, I always end up crying my heart out. I can't really understand what's wrong with this kind of addiction? My grades are good, I mean, they're great! Greater than others may guess and expect. I also get along well with the rest of our family members, but some of them came and told me that I should stop being a fangirl. 

*Sobs* It's like they're asking me to stop liking anything. I feel controlled and I HATE IT! I want to get over this but when I remember mom's voice, shouting at me telling me that I should go out and meet a psychiatrist, telling me that I look like a garbage, a piece of trash that's not worth looking at... It literally breaks my heart.

I told her that she should be thankful that I'm loving Kpop not drugs but then she gave the best reply anyone would never want to hear. She told me, "Then you should have taken drugs! I don't care!" Just... just... ! Do you guys know how hard it is to control myself? to stop myself from cursing and breaking the laptop beside me!?! 

 

My heart is so drowned in pain that I started hitting myself, punching the wall, bang my head on the wall and so on... Yes, I'm a masochist. Can't help it since no one understands me in this house. '_' 

Btw, I'm living here in the Philippines so if anyone of you know some psychiatrist please recommend some to me. I think I really need a psychological help. D: Thanks.

 

WHO ELSE CAN RELATE??

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kpoplover97 #1
Omg we are here for you if ever you need help or someone to talk to. Just stay strong and you will get through it.
dhanhaeun #2
dongsaeng, wag mo sasaktan sarili mo ha? please? marami kami dito nakakaintindi sa situation mo din. we're here to help and comfort you.
dhanhaeun #3
dongsaeng, please stop hurting yourself. i love you and i really miss you! this happened to me in the past too when my family was also against me being a fangirl of kpop :'(
SangJae #4
OMG! PM kita ahh....
Ka09th #5
Ate message mo ko dali usap tayo.
missdyodobi #6
I was like you too.

I did stopped for a years? I ended up being depress without me realizing it. Until my mom called my current counselor saying I was acting weird.

I thought I was fine, honestly, until he asked me, how long have been having eating disorder, unhealthy diet and such and what was the reason. I honestly don't know the reason.

But all the question was answered when I told him about my family was agaisnt my fandoms, and that was j-rock/pop and k-pop. He discussed with my family and I got to watch the group that i wanted to watch the most, i told them Super Junior and unknowingly I got a little bit better, but my eating disorder was still there.

This is want my counselor said to my family, "You're taking away a part of her. The part where she finds peace and happiness. Asking her to stop is like asking to stop living her life, that was why she's lost."

All you need is to control your time. Don't get too over excited. I won't say don't get too attach, I'll be a hyprocryte then. Mostly, stay calm and have some time to yourself by reading a book instead of fanfics.
KaedieNoonaWrites #7
Oh god! That's so me back in high school! (My family's kinda fine with my Korean obsession since am working now) I remember crying coz they blamed the bands I've fangirled and they even threw all the merch I've had and the scrapbooks.. They said I was crazy!
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