It's 6:21 in the a.m. here  in ugly Godfrey,Illinois and I am sad..all over again...why?..

My best friend and I....well....are no longer friends...

She confessed to me...

...If I say something to yoo...promise not to be mad at me?..

...what is it?...

...promise me Pig...

...okok..I promise...what's up?..

...I Love Yoo Pig...

...I Love Yoo Kitten...

...No...I LOVE Yoo Lindzey...I have since highschool...

......

...I know that...Annie broke yoor heart...and I know that yoo tried to fix it by letting James in...then he broke yoor heart...I know that yoo perfer girls over boys...so..will yoo please perfer me?...

...where's all this coming from?..

...I've known yoo for years now...and I've watched while yoo were in the realtionship with Annie...how yoo gave her yoor heart for 3 years...and she repaid yoo by sleeping with other people..I remember how yoo said..that when yoo were able to move on..that yoo were going to find a boy cause girls always broke yoor heart...and when yoo find one he was already in a relationship for 5 years with someone else when he told yoo yoo were the only one...

...thanks for reminding me..

...what I'm trying to say is that...I've loved yoo before that...when yoo went into Kettler at 15 and 16...I was there waiting...when yoo came back with Annie...I was hurt but I was happy cause yoo were happy...when she did what she did..I wanted to kill her for making yoo cry...when yoo went to the navy...I wrote yoo everyday...when yoo came back..I was there waiting...I was going to tell yoo then but then yoo started yoor new job and met James...yoo were so happy...so I didn't tell yoo...when he did what he did...I wanted to kill him..and now though it's only been a few weeks I want to fix yoo...I want to be the one to fix yoor heart and put it back together...I don't want yoo to cry anymore..and I'll make sure yoo won't...I haven't seen yoo in that time..weve only talked through text...and yoo don't know how much it hurts to know that other than work yoo're isolating yoorself..even from me..because people keep breaking yoor heart....let me me make it better...

...Kitten I really don't know what to say...

...say yoo'll be my girlfriend I promise to NEVER make yoo cry...

...I can't...It's not that I don't love yoo...I do...it's because I see yoo as a sister...I've never looked at yoo romantically...I'm sorry...I don't know what else to say...I love yoo and I don't want to hurt yoo...but yoo are like a sister to me...my bestfriend...I don't know where I'd be without yoo...please understand?..

...couldn't it be like those stories that yoo read?(referring to fanfics I presume)...maybe yoo love me back but haven't realized it..or maybe yoo can learn to love me?...I know yoo don't have much heart left..but I can make it better...we can rebuild it and make it stronger...please Pig?...just try?..

..I'm not ready yet...and I don't think I can..it'll feel like or something..

...

...(like maybe 20 min later)

..Kitten?..

....

..Chanelle?..

..I don't want to be yoor friend anymore...

...WHAT?!....yoore just mad..but I promise it'll pass and we can be friends again...I'll give yoo yoor space..

...I don't want space I want yoo and if I can't have yoo I don't want to be friends anymore...we've been friends for what...10 years...and I had to watch and sit while yoo loved other people...I'm not doing it anymore...I Love yoo Pig...bye..

...Don't do this...I can't lose another person..especially not yoo...I love yoo Kitten..please?..

.....(like another 20 min later)

..please answer me...

...(and another 20 min)

..ok..I'll wait..please comeback to me...I need yoo..

and that was it...we text that...so everything yoo see was exactly what we text to eachother...verbatim... sounds like a fanfic...or a drama...I love her and I can't lose her...and now I can't sleep cause yet again...another person has left...and it happens to be the most important one..but I'll wait for her to come back to me..she's my bf...she'll see right?...maybe I'm cursed..maybe I'm not meant for love..cause the one person that I know..will probably never break my heart..is the one person..I don't have feelings for.