planning to give up...

 

Had been slightly crying for a while now, though I seemed much to be a crybaby I was like: “yeah I have reasons for that, y’know” don’t you thing its quite ironic when I keep on saying people to not cry and would let out a little pun about not wasting the liquids on their body but I myself could not help but to cry… I my appear to be quite the strong and serious type but actually, that’s not the real me… the real one is hiding in the deepest side and was shut down into the core…

 

That particular somebody was thoroughly broken … I smile and act childish but these are simply my little façade to hide everything, I get teased and told a lot for having a childlike mind and thus, regaining the title of  being the eldest in age but youngest in mind… I might overdo it for a bit, but remember that everyone has their own reasons… I m sensitive and get hurt easily and that pain always increases… others might  think that I just let it pass simply for I tend to smile and shrug it off but actually, whenever I’m alone I would always thought of that and cry about it… I am just a good actress for others doesn’t seem to notice

 

Guess that there isn’t a safe place in here anymore… I have been spending quite a lot of time in the online world by being part of about 6 RPs and uhm I don’t think I’m enjoying it anymore… RP is supposed to be something that will make you smile and stuffs but to me it doesn’t, the one that I love the most is practically dead and all the people that I’m close with are slowly quitting  and I get to be bullied in the other ones… and then I thought: “why would I let myself suffer?” I am not worth it so why would people pay attention when I am there and I am not… I always exert a lot of efforts but it appears to be simply transparent *sighs* and at home, it feels like HELL… I just arrived after sleeping over a friend and my mom started ranting about how I wasn’t f help in the house and always out... and like I wouldn’t have a nice future so there’s no use in studying and lastly. I shouldn’t have been born! This is also the reason why I just lock myself in the house and pretty much neglect my outside friends indirectly… wish that everything would be just as people wishes

 

I really love this place (AFF) there are those who cheer me up and help me boost my self-esteem… there are those who are willing to pay attention unto what I feel and be a good friend and the stories, they somehow make me happy… I’ve actually tried to read more funny stories and go around reading random blogs which turned out to make me smile while tearing up… thank you guys, I love you all

 

I know that this is not as important to others and I’m sorry for bothering you and wasting your time… I know that nobody would read this anyway but it’s quite a nice feeling to let everything out…

 

 

BUT YOU KNOW? I AM REALLY TIRED… SHOULD I JUST QUIT?

 

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-Angela-Zhang- #1
I am going to be leaving a much longer comment on this; but I'll have to do it tomoorrow because I'm actually in bed right now, using my iPod ^^'
matchamatch #2
No! Don't give up! You have to keep on! I love your stories!~ you're a lot like me. I used to give my friends some advice. When they cry, i persuade them.i made jokes, pinch them playfully. I will make anything for them to be happy. Always being labelled as the 'immature and innocent' person. But I'm not like that at all. I'm an 'immature, innocent and hyperactive' person on the outside but on the inside,it's the opposite.
My mother always scold me for my bad grades and she always compare me to my eldest sister that manage to get good grades. Sometimes, i do feel like a useless person. Sometimes, i stayed in dark places alone. Where i would reminisce all my pain. Then, i would always end up crying.. No one hears me. No one knows... I'm quite happy that there was someone that is riding the same boat as me. I feel like i wouldn't be so lonely in this world. If you want to talk to me, you can. I would be glad if you share some problems. You can't hide your pain for too long, 'cause it will bring you more and more. Cheer up!!! *starts flailing* i want everyone to be happy!! Keke... ^v^
attrait #3
You sound a lot like me....if you want we can talk sometime. I know this probably isn't going to help though.
They say talking to someone helps, and it does a tiny bit, but what is it really doing for you?
For me, I can talk to someone, but I regret it later on because I know they won't understand and I'll feel a whole hell of a lot tier later. I don't have many friends either, so I don't every really want to talk to anyone.
But I'm willing to help you in anyway you need.
Don't quit though, if you do, you'll regret it.
I did before, and haven't been able to find myself since. Now I live not wanting to live... Am I suicidal? Yes, in a way, there have been times I tried to kill myself because I'm tired...but I didn't because there's so much to live for. (Not saying that you're considering suicide or are suicidal.)
I gave up in my early childhood and have been living through a, what seems like, nightmare, an endless nightmare filled with the smallest bit of bliss...

But yea, I didn't mean to get off track...and I really hope you feel better...just don't give up.
Serenity_Grace #4
If you need someone to talk to, private message me and we'll chat. Don't give up. Don't you dare give up.
citoluke #5
i d0nt kn0w but i thinx the real friend is a real pers0n and exist around you. . . They can hug you, wipe your tears, borrow their shoulder if you need support, and say 'its okay', 'dont worry', or maybe 'keep spirit' when you have an problem. . .
Online world friend maybe also exist. . But we cant help u m0re than words. . Maybe i can talk to you. . I can give my best advice but i cant hug and pat your shoulder to keep u strong. .
Just try to c0mmunicated with people around u. . And feeling if u lose them. . U'll really alone in the world. . Ganbate ne^^
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