Tomorrow is my birthday

and i am turning 15 years old

I know I should be happy because I have lived that long

But what's the point in celebrating my birthday

when my mom is not with me anymore

It will be my second birthday alone after she passed away

back then when I was still in elementary she missed my birthday for 3 consecutive years because 

she was in france, busy handling our family business

but when she came back here in the philippines she found out that she has a cancer then few months passed and she died

but I'd  rather choose that she forgot my birthday because of her work than celebrating it knowing that she is not here in this world anymore.. =(

haaayyytttzzz... 

I told my daddy that I dont want to celebrate my birthday and i dont want to have a party in our house 

because all i want to do tomorrow is Be Alone....

I really miss my mom so much

and Celebrating another year of my existance in this world always makes me ask my self

"What if I was the one who had a cancer? what if I was the one who died?"

may be if I was the one who passed away it will be more easy for my dad to move on and recover..

may be then my brothers wont be blaming me... because I had been a bad daughter to her..

I believe them.. they are right 

everything that happened was all my fault...

and I hate it.. 

I hate living...

I hate the thought that I am alive .. 

#LonelyBirthdayJhen

I miss you Mama!!