I wasn’t really into KPop or East Asian music before April 2011. I had a cousin back then living with my family and she was a huge ELF, fan of Super Junior’s Kyuhyun. She forced me to watch some of their MVs, the first one was Bonamana, and then followed by No Other, Sorry Sorry, It’s You, and Super Junior M’s U and Super Girl.

I have to admit, at first I was feeling hesitated. I mean, they’re only a bunch of guys with a funny number of members, some of them looked unhealthy since they were too skinny, and some were just too feminine. Personally I thought that they were also into Japanese style although almost of them are Korean. But as I watched them over and over again, under an influence of my dearest cousin of course, I began to develop a fondness toward them. The next two or three weeks later, I found myself sitting in a cabin in a nearby internet café, browsing all stuffs I could find about Super Junior.

Of all members, I favored Siwon because of his manly image; in addition to the fact that he is the face of the group. Soon, I began listening to other idol groups too, such as SNSD, f(x), After School, 2NE1, and many more. I began to accustom to Korean culture, started to recognize what’s the difference between oppa and hyung, and greeted my cousin with Annyeonghasseyo (hello in Korean). That was how much Super Junior changed my opinion about Korea in general.

While waiting for Suju’s 5^th album, I discovered more and more KPop songs. One of them was Mirotic, performed by of course the great Dong Bang Shin Ki. I had a strange interest in the song since I read an article in a local news portal, about controversial tracks in KPop. Mirotic was on the list because of its ually explicit lyrics. I was like ‘How explicit Korean could be?’ I’d listened to many controversial songs during my day as an announcer in local radio station in Kuta, and I thought that with the strong norm East Asian has, such thing would never exist. I went to Youtube to look for the MV of the song and voila! Mirotic stole my heart.

But still Super Junior was number one in my list, although I kept feeling there was something missing of their performance. Then Mr. Simple, the 5^th album of Super Junior, arrived. And just when Mr. Simple achieved a great deal, I got to watch DBSK performing Wrong Number live in a Korean music programs, back in the day there were still five of them. ‘Bingo!’ I thought. Those boys really know how to sing. Changmin’s high pitch, Jaejoong’s heavenly voice, Junsu’s brilliant improvisation, Yoochun’s excellent low tone, and Yunho’s rap, were more than enough to make me fall for them. The song itself turned out to be one of my favorite for it always had me goose bumping and stunned every time they sang it live.

From an ELF, I turned into a Cassiopeia, in September 17, 2011. I’ll never forget the mystical date for the rest of my life.

Performing extraordinarily live is only one of uncountable reason to make me fall head over heels over DBSK. I found out that their songs were enhanced in many themes, which happened to suit my often unsteady mood perfectly. For example, when I’m feeling brokenhearted, there are My Destiny and Why Did I Fall in Love with You. Whenever I’m listening to Choosey Lover or Crazy Love, I always feel recharged. Those songs are like my mood-booster. And just when I’m thinking about how a man, I hope he’s Jung Yunho, will ask my hand for marriage one day in the future, Picture of You will instantly play itself in my mind.

As I fell deeper and deeper for them, I unconsciously did a little research about what made this group split into two. There was no other reason except the characteristic of entertainment industry itself. You have to give your all to survive. You have to sacrifice your precious time with your family and your loved one to entertain other people you never know what their names are. And in DBSK case, I guess it had gone too far that the three of them decided to fill a lawsuit against their former agency.

There are many rumors, I know, but I’ve decided to choose a neutral side; I support both of them. I feel proud of JYJ, who bravely fight for their rights, and I feel happy that Yunho and Changmin decided to stay, to protect the name TVXQ. I believe the matter is not between the members. They still keep their friendship, brotherhood more likely, even though media barely discovers it. I always keep the faith.

But these days, the recent issues have got me questioning ‘the faith’. Most of you might have heard what happened to Yoochun’s father (may Mr. Park rest in peace) and how devastated Yoochun was. There was a wild imagination of mine that Yunho and Changmin would somehow hold a press conference regarding that matter, that they would send their respects even though they had to stay in Japan to promote Still, that the faith Cassiopeia keep was proven not to be just empty words, but I was wrong.

No words coming out of the new TVXQ. Their show is still going on; they make another big hit, another successful concert, they are shooting MV for Still, they are contributing in ice cream CF, they hold interview, but nothing spoken about JYJ. As if nothing happened, as if Yoochun’s dad was still healthy, as if the news never reached them. Meanwhile, Junsu updated his twitter on March 17, 2012 I supposed, giving his warm support to both Jaejoong and Yoochun, his fellow members, saying that he loved them. Only Jaejoong and Yoochun.

I know it might be quite risky for Yunho and Changmin to publicly send their supports for Yoochun. They probably have sent a text or e-mail or whatnot to him, who knows? As for Junsu, maybe he mentioned only Jaejoong and Yoochun because the two have been the closest to him in these two years.

But seriously, is this what you call a faith???? Are we, Cassiopeia, supposed to put our trust in people who distrust themselves?

It’s hard, for God’s sake. For the Cassiopeia who has the same idea as mine, it’s really hard. It hurts so much, seeing two parties who used to entertain us mainly with their unison and their closeness with one another act like they never knew each other. The ignorance, the lack of mentioning each other’s name, has drained my patience.

We’ve been through a lot together. We yelled happily as they announced their comeback date, we screamed in delight as they achieved award after award, we cried seeing one of them broke down in exhaustion, we were touched seeing how affectionate they treated one another, we got jealous of Yunjae, 2U, Yoomin, Yoosu, Jaemin, Homin, Jaechun, Jaesu, Minsu, and Hosu with their strange skin ship, we always prayed for a chance of being a part of them, but they’re all now just memories. Will those sweet things forever be memories? Isn’t there any chance for the sweet moments to repeat themselves?

Tell me, my beloved TV5XQ, tell me, how long we, Cassiopeia, should wait? And how much we have to hurt ourselves before it finally happens?

It always makes me so sad every time they say that you will never be back as five. I cry thinking that there’s no chance, or more likely no benefit of you to do so, that you are getting more comfortable with the split, or that the new TVXQ has learnt to develop themselves without JYJ or vice versa.

Please, is this too much to ask? I’m not asking you to risk your career or the new respect you’ve gained. I’m not asking you to perform completely on stage as five, or maybe creating collaboration between JYJ and TVXQ. No, I’m not asking for it yet. Only simple thing, that’s what I’ll ask: just show that there’s nothing serious happened between you five. Just show us that your love and your friendship are all fine. Just think about Cassiopeia who stays loyal ever since December 26, 2003. Just think about how much we get hurt to always keep the faith.

Monday, March 19, 2012

00:46 AM