Sometimes, i don't understand stuff. I don't understand the world. I don't understand people. I dont even understand myself. I feel like i'm starting to get depression. I think everything around me is gray.. &I'm like.. sometimes eating more on some days, some days, i just don't want to eat and starve to death. & I'm sleeping late than usual. I stay on the computer at night. but thats not all.. I need to read until i sleep because it helps me.. or I start thinking about stuff-- negatively. "What is it going to be like if I died?" "What happened if i jumped into the pond near my school? Will someone find my body? What would it feel like if I were to drown myself? But I'm not like that.. The only death I've ever thought of is slipping into a coma and sleeping forever. Or just somehow live my day, sprout angel wings and fly up to heaven. .. People say I'm too emotional. People say I'm too depressed. People say I'm too emo.. Well, first, I HAVE feelings. And It's hard to be happy in my perspective. Also, people say I get sad/mad too easily. WELL, ALL THAT... is just me. DEAL WITH IT, IT UP. Can't stand it? Sit the down. or cut of your own legs. I DON'T FLIPPING CARE. It's my life. You're not my mom... -- And they were my friends, they should cheer me up... not just go in my face "Why are you ing depressed? You're soo stupid. Why would you end your life? You're soo stupid Michelle, might as well go die. I don't want to be with a friend who's always depressed." (Note: I'm not ALWAYS depressed. I like laughing and smiling.) &I was expecting: "What's Wrong?" "Awwh It's Okay.." -hugs- and a BUNCH of advices following the wayy... And ONLY ONE friend does that.. no.. only TWO. And they weren't my best friends and are the most hated in the grade generally. And my other FOB asian friends... Don't ING CARE. -- Today, I had a bad day + me thinking about past stuff that bring me down = BAD MIICHIE. O-o Right? When you're sad, you think of more bad things that have happened to you. And so, results... I was CUTTING myself... InFRONT of my friends. You know what they did??? All they did was continue with their convo of laughs, talk, read and . WITH GUYS... Guy + Over Me, a best friend thats FEMALE = What kind of friend is that? It made me feel, "I'm not important to them? Is that guy more important than me who has been by your side since, september or like.. 2 or 3 years ago?" I could take it as a test, and results is that they don't ing care. I have this annoying friend, personally I don't think she looks good but.. SHE NOTICED. the ONLY who noticed. Now I'd choose her over my dumb asian friends. If you feel offended, "MY ASIAN FRIENDS" ... it's not my ing fault. If you were being a friend, i would've added you to my best friends imaginary list. (Note; i don't make lists. I'm not that low.) BUT NOO. Shizz. I'm not sure to ditch the JYP audition or not to take you guys. I've had enough, okay? Dont even comment saying "OH is it me? OMG im soo sorryy!" JUST ING THINK OKAY?? To others who see this post: sorry if you have to see an ugly side of me. AFF is the last option for me to vent. I'd make a youtube video about it, but my classmates might see. Facebook, people will call me attention . and i would care less about AFF. AFF is a good community. (: