Title: My Pocky Love

Author: Whytheglumface

Title, Description/ Foreword: 6/10 

            The title of your story is very interesting! It has a relation to the story a little when Lu Han is talking about Sun Hyun’s personality, but other than that there is no other reference. Other than that I think it is a very cute title. Your description and foreword are weak though. In the description you are just talking about the girl’s personality and what she sees in the boys’ personalities also. The foreword has a very small glimpse of what is going to happen in the story, but I almost bypassed it from when you are talking about the characters. I think it is okay to show the characters’ name and picture, but you should not write about their personalities. It uncovers a mystery that hasn’t even started.

Plot: 27/50

(Originality: 9.5/10)


I haven’t seen many of these types of stories, but there are some fair amount of cheesy and cliché lines and ideas here. For example, the pregnant idea is one that is commonly used and the break-up for an uncertain reason is also another widely used concept.

(Emotion: 8/10)

I saw some emotion in the story, but a lot of potential. There were moments that you could add more flashbacks and thoughts. There some funny moments in your story also that added a type of humor into your story. If you could talk more about how everybody really feels and their thoughts, that would greatly improve your story.

(Flow: 8.5/10)


            The flow is okay at some points. You can see time skips at points, which makes the story sometimes confusing for some people. To fix this you could add transition words or actually put “Flashback and Flashback End”  

(Action: N/A)

(Ending if applicable: N/A)

Writing: 18/20


(Grammar)


Your grammar is impeccable. There are very few typos if any and they are not anything to dwell on really. I can see that you proofread your work and it shows in your chapters especially!

(Organization)

The organization isn’t very strong or very neat. It seems like at times it is in a certain person’s perspective but I couldn’t really see anything that you were changing perspectives. To me if you do that, it is easier to follow the story. Going back to the flow, you should add in more time words.

Overall Enjoyment: 18/20

            I would have to say that I enjoyed the story and you are just starting off! The story will be able to soon take off! There are some times when there could’ve been a cliffhanger but there wasn’t or when there was, it was only a soft landing. For example when Hyuna asked Sun Hyun if she was pregnant, you should’ve stopped it right there to build up tension

TOTAL: 69/80