I don't want to live this stupid life!

I might regret writing this blog post later, but I'm not regreting it now.

I want to escape this life of pressure, stress, and overprotective control.

I want to be able to make MY OWN choices in my life.

I want to be able to KEEP my friends because my parents trust me with them.

I want to be able to spend the rest of my life with someone I LOVE!

I want to be able to have to confidence because I know people don't hate me...

I want to stop crying every night or when I think of how limited my choices are.

I'm a good person, trusting, kind, and MATURE!

I want to be able to have trust from my parents and know that they know that I will be MATURE when hanging out with friends.

I want to be able to confidently say, hey friends (that are girls) I think I can go out to dinner with you as well.

I want to be able to talk about yesterday with them because I should have been with them.

I want to sock somone in the nose right now and watch it bleed..

I want to be FREE!

Please, for one day! I want to run around in the wind and be freee!

I want to cry in the rain and I want to have a party!

I want someone (thats not related to me and friends) to love me!

Is that too much for a girl to ask for?

Everyone else gets it.

I didn't ask to be born into this family, this life, this messed up bull !*

I didn't ask to be fat or ugly and be judged by my family..

I didn't WANT to be nice or kind, but I CHOSE to be that...

I tried my best to gain my parents trust, by on goingly doing every chore in the house every day, by telling my friends I can't hang out with them before I even ask my parents, by avoiding all the boys in my school that try to be my friend, by telling them that I don't need a car or a phone, by crying my eyes out each night so I can fake my happiness in the morning, by taking their screaming and their judgemental words towards me about how ugly, worthless, lazy, and fat I am. By doing everything in my power to remain MATURE just for one day that I get to be with friends or have a boy to hold.

...AND this boy is nothing. He is no trouble. popular girls at my school look down at him. He's considered ugly by most girls that I tell. Hes one of the gifted (specially smart) people at my school. He is korean. He hides his singing talent. (beautiful singer but no one knows)

He (to me) is BEAUTIFUL! everyone tells me I can do better, but honestly he can. My parents are a big fat brick wall. They want to chose who I marry, they want to impress their family back home, but I- I'm not EVER letting them control me.

This boy may not be married to me or anyone else in this high school, but I know that If I had to chose between getting married to someone I don't love and isn't phisically attractive to me or become a nun and never get married. I would chose the nun. Freedom for me overcomes everything.

I honestly have no tears left, because I bet my life is much harder then anyone elses. You can go ahead and debate me about all those kids in africa or where ever their poor and helpless, they just need to worry about getting food and shelter. Plus, theres sooo many people out there to help, but guess what they use it up on, weed, drinking, drugs, clothes they won't ever wear. etc. Why cant they help? (please excuse my ignorant wording) (not in the best of moods)

I still give money and clothes to charity. I do good deeds. Why can't god just help me?

Why.... What did I ever do to deserve this... Am I one to change it?

Yes I am. I for one am never continuing this bull ! I am not going to keep up this tradition.

Of course I'm never letting my children turn into druggies or s, but I will guide them into chosing what they find best for THEMSELVES. Not chose what I THINK is best for them.

God created me for me... Not for anyone else. As simple as that sounds.... Its completely true.

Let me make my own mistakes and fix them. Let me carve my self out of the piece of wood the way I want to with my own hands and mind.

Don't try to live my life through yours and ruin it.

Anyways, If you read this you probably still won't feel the rage I'm going through right now... but its okay. I'm going to escape it... somehow....