I will be ranting ish and confessiong on this blog.

So yesterday was Senior ball--a dance for the senior or last year high school sctudents-- and it was amazing. Now most you you will be like, "It's its amazing then why is she ranting/confessing?"

Well as most of you who kept up with my love life on my other blogs, you will see that I like my best friend. He is an amazing friend to me and he means so much. 

I had confessed to him earlier on in the school year. I am a human being and therefore, i have feelings, too you know. Anyways i confessed and he never really said much back. Dont get me wrong, our friendship is still the same.

Most of you had given me different perspective to look at his response. To me, i feel like maybe it was just a one sided love, but the sad part was, he onced liked me too when we first meet in 7th grade (middle school). I dont know, it feels like  he just dont have the kind of feelings i do.

ANYWAYS, back to the point, on thrusday, i texted him about hw and then we end up talking about SR. Ball. A few months ahead, i asked him to be my date to the dance but he said he couldnt make it because he'll be out of town.

Junior year, i had also asked him to Prom and he couldnt go because his parents wouldnt let him and because he didnt have the money, but he promise that he will owe me a dance.

Senior year, Homecoming, we saw one another at the dance and we talked. He told me to wait for him and that he'll be back, BUT he never did. He was the one who left me hanging for 30 min, sitting there, looking like a retard. I was on the verge of tears, but my bff found out and barged into his group of dancing friends and force him to come back. I forgave him of course, but never forgotten about eing left behind.

Anyways, so he texted, "Hey i'll teach you how to dance at Sr Ball so look out for me, i'm coming." i swear he got my heart beat running away. (Super Bass) Even over through text, i blushed.

I waited for him, looked for him, and he never kept his promise. I saw him and i know he saw me, BUT he totally blew me off. One dance. That was all i wanted. One, and he couldnt even make it come true for my last dance of high school. I even walked by him a thousand times, BUT he still didnt even care.

That night, i sat down the rest of the night, depressed, angry, wanting to kill someone. You should never leave a girl hanging, you know what i mean. He stomped all over me again, as if, as if i wasnt even his best friend.

I hate him, and yet, i like him too much. I always forgive him no matter what. I helped him in anatomy when he needed and yet he doesnt see it.

Right now, i'm at the point where i just want to give up on Love and remind myself that love doesnt exist in this world. I once was the girl who was in love with the idea of being in love. I thought that knowing there will be THAT someone will be everything you need to survive. But, no. It's all just a joke. Nothing more.

So now, i'm mad as fudge at my best friend and my mood totally killed the rest of senior ball and today and i just want to murder someone. It's like i given him enough chances to make up for it, but it'll never be anything,

I basically giving up on Love. I just done with being hurt. Done with everything. I'm going into deep study by the time college starts anyways so i wont need a distraction. Double majors plus a minor will be hard but it's worth it. :)