2022 was the first year ever I've made new years resolutions, and I only did it because the last 2 years of my life were filled burden after burden and trauma. I'm not going to go into detail, but I'm glad I've made these resolutions. 

My resolutions were to start running, and take better care of my body i.e eating healthier foods, a full skincare routine, etc. We're beginning the 3rd week of January, and I've been noticing improvements in my behavior, and I'm slowly investing in understanding my emotions to the point I'm creating an entire new routine. For the first time I feel like I'm building structure.

Ive always been extremely aware of the psychological aspects of things, but I never knew how beneficial it was to just ask yourself how you are feeling today,, and not beat yourself up if you're having a bad day.

Last week, I felt anxious or upset some days after waking up, and one of the things that would upset me was the passing of my cat in the end of last year. (It wasn't the worst thing that happened to me, but it was definitely the most painful) I cried a little bit (as I am now writing this part), but then I'd stop crying and start putting on my gear for a run to help calm me down. Let me preface this by saying no, it didn't make me immediately happy, or forget for the day, it just made me feel.... better. 

I also bought a planner before the new year to track my running and what I eat, and in the planner it has plenty of spaces for notes so I started writing how I felt for that day or when I opened the planner next. Planners have always helped organize my thoughts and keeping track of bills and whatnot, but I never approached it as a journal, and ever since I started just writing one little sentence about how I felt, even if it was bad, I noticed the urge to complain has declined. 

There's a person I follow, her name is katrin berndt, she used to do youtube but changed her career to a girlfriend coach, but I still followed her on Instagram anyways even though I'm not in a relationship because I really like her. She used to struggle with her moods and negativity and whatnot and I watched her completely change her way of thinking and she gives out useful information, that anybody could really use if you want to improve yourself. Anyways, she showed us this mood board, where you color code your mood for the day, and dot it on the board, then at the end of the year, you can see how much progress you've made by keeping track of your mood. The reason I want to try this, is because I think it'll help process my emotions, which I've always struggled to do.

Another improvement I've noticed is that I'm actively making better choices for myself. Or as my brother likes to say, I'm investing in myself. There was one day after a run I felt so overwhelmed with joy, I just applied to college. I've thought about college for years, and know what direction I want to go, I just never applied because I didn't understand how it works. I still don't, but I have a meeting with an advisor this week that I'm really looking forward to, even though I'm anxious.

I guess I'll stop blabbing now. Just wanted to share a positive experience I suppose. bye now~