Annyeong everyone

Firstly i am sorry for disappearing aka being on hiatus since the i couldn't even remember.

Life filled me in, and it was hectic from the moment i woke up till i closed my eyes again.

Anyway, I've reread my own story which was In Another World and I was really shocked at my old self that can actually write stuff like that. I sunk into emoshinki state for a while after that (and still am, I guess), it was hard to fall back out. It was so angsty that I thought i was really angry writing all that stuff down into a story. But the truth was i was really having fun penning the story that I gave all my heart, mind and soul into it. At that time, i never thought that i could actually find someone who i could love as fiercely as how Changmin-dola love his Junsu. I was never a believer of a happily ever after after all.

Fast forward to now, it's been a while since the pandemic hit us.

As a healthcare provider, I am in the middle of the storm to be frank. I could barely lift up my head, as I was dealing with my work, my motherhood, partnership and on top of that i rolled into fellowship for an upgrade in my medical career. It was so overwhelming that I found myself numbed by all the stuff that I needed to tend to. My kids (there are two now, both boys) and definitely requiring 200% attention, the added numbers of covid cases that features alpha, beta delta waves that i couldn't catch up. I was breathing fast, my heart anxious even though i love my job right now. I was crying when I was alone, tired and exhausted but my mind just couldn't stop.

That's how i found my way back to my comfort zone. I went back to listening to DBSK, listening to Tohoshinki song on the rewind and rewatching memorable live concert with some Yunjae in it. And then, back to fanfics.

Oh my heart of how i love them. i still do after all this time.

My heart bruised and battered after all the emotional baggage that i endured during all those time away from writing, doing the job that i love but no exit way to channel my creative self. When i was a student, my writings are my way to relax, to balance myself out.

But right now i just have no time for me. So i vented out to my best friends about my state, how I couldn't sleep at night at the thoughts racing, all the chest discomfort, all the palpitations when i was alone. They suggested for me to channel my creative self again, maybe take a break from everything first and then come back stronger.

So i guess, that's why I'm here ranting for the sake of it. I know everyone already got on their life - me too but i hope i'm not too late.