hi, hello there!  how are you?  i hope you're doing well and staying safe~  i just wanted to update and say i am going on hiatus until further notice.  however, despite how grim that may or may not sound, i don't plan to leave for long, i think.  i'm just not sure when i'll be back is all.

( please feel free to scroll down to the TLDR! )

unfortunately, more than a couple of new medical conditions have popped up in my life, including one very curious case regarding nutrition.

this all started when i got my bloodwork done last week.  it was a normal checkup, nothing major, or so i thought.  it turns out i have several deficiencies and i'm suffering from malnourishment??  tbh i had tremendous trouble understanding how this was even possible when i'm not underweight anymore.  so, my doc started off asking if i'm ever feeling fatigued, and yes, i am always mentally and physically drained lol  i can’t remember the last time i’ve had energy for anything.

she moved on to mental health, so i told her how i’ve been feeling increasingly depressed and anxious and unable to enjoy my favorite pastimes.  while i am medicated for depression, anxiety/OCD, and ADHD, my symptoms have been so out of control throughout 2020-2021, it's been difficult to do… anything.  like, every aspect of my life has taken a substantial hit: my work, my friendships, my hobbies ( coughs i'll be the first to admit my writing quality has suffered the most, here ).  i've been so out of it, i haven’t even been able to socialize properly—not that i’ve ever been good at communication; god knows i only know how to make an utter fool of myself—from forgetting to answer messages forever to completely blanking on what i'm saying mid-sentence, etc.

in fact, my overall ability to process/comprehend has been a downward slope so sharp and obtrusive, i never needed my doc to point it out.  i'd noticed it a while ago, out of sheer frustration, and could even pinpoint around when my behavior/attitude started changing (~february 2020).  i'd assumed this was perhaps because of my sporadic work schedule giving me hell and my ADHD getting worse as i grow into… "adulthood" ene 

however, my doctor claims otherwise.  apparently, i'm deficient in so many vital nutrients that my brain can't function properly, and it's likely been exacerbating my disorders over the last year, which explains.,,., a lot,,,,  she also added i have the lowest numbers she's ever seen OTL

so, for the next 6 months or more, i'll have to get injections every week, on top of prescription-grade supplements, as well as over-the-counter supplements just to make up for all my deficiencies.  according to my doc, once i begin treatment, i won't feel as exhausted, my brain fog will gradually clear, and by the end, it'll be like i'm a new person~ which i hope means i can finally go back to enjoying writing again  ;w;  haha remember when i'd update regularly/publish new fics??  yeah, me neither lol    though i legit feel so bad for bedeviled getting the end of the stick because i made the honest mistake of deeming this all a writer's block i had to simply 'power through'  ಥ‿ಥ 

oh!  and tomorrow, after my first injection, i'll be getting a brain scan for my disorders.  with the help of new technology, my doctor can narrow down my list of symptoms to help determine whether they belong to ADHD, OCD, or autism.  how cool is that??  idk how it works, but i'm enthusiastic to see the results !!

TLDR:  i have some medical issues that require time to treat, so i don't know how long this (semi?)hiatus will last and if i'll update in the meantime.  maybe i'll be up and at 'em as soon as my treatment starts, not sure yet.  i simply wanted to give a heads up in case anyone cared to know.  all in all, my sincerest apologies for any inconvenience, but i hope to come back better than before !! 

if anyone's still reading this, thank you!!  though i'm frankly sorry for subjecting you to a long update saturated with nonsensical ramblings + much-needed venting lmao   icb this took actual hours to write wow

i hope you have a wonderful day/night, and stay safe out there! ^^ ♡