Condolence.. our deepest sympathies.. prayers for your family... 

These are words I often express to the people I know who has lost a loved one. Heartfelt words.. Sincerely given and well meant.. I've always tried to put myself in that person's situation.. And now I'm in the situation. 

Eyes puffy, head splitting headache and about 49 years of memories flooding in, I'm caught in the middle of having to do the usual daily tasks and suddenly bursting into tears. Real life is getting in the way of my coming to terms with your death. Can I just go crawl up the bed and not be bothered by anything and anyone? 

But then again, YOU will bother me. As soon as my head hits the pillow I see your face across of me. You, smiling and excitedly telling me stuff! That nine year old face! Looking back at me, all smiles, as we share our day's events.. little girls huddled together.

So I get up.. the dining room is a good place to be unbothered. YOU, sat down across me.. telling me if you're pretty enough coz that boy seems to be nice and interested in you. Should you wear shorts? Nah, your legs aren't smooth... wear pants! You look awesome in pants!! Those hips and fills in the jeans snugly. For a skinny teen, you're really shapely from the waist down.

I head out to the kitchen, but YOU are standing in front of the stove. Cooking a new recipe. For the kids' birthday party. New mommies party planning.. 

I'm looking around. This is my house. My "married" house, and not the one where we grew up. Still, this place is full of YOU. The frequent weekend sleep overs. Your "I'm bored, need to hang out here" place. Daycare center for your kids when you have somewhere important to go to. I have so many YOU moments. Some, I've taken for granted and most, I cherished. 

Moments and memories are all that I'm left of YOU. 

~ 12 hrs since You left us.