Looking in the mirror and finding yourself staring at a stranger is an odd feeling. I don't quite recall the first time I didn't recognize myself. Maybe I was trying to check out my outfit or style my hair, I'm not too sure. To be honest, it felt so natural to not see anyone that I wasn't even slightly baffled as to why it feels so foreign to look at my own reflection. Though after a while, it began bothering me. I started feeling uneasy. Whether it was looking at myself through my phone camera, through the mirror or any other thing that shows my reflection - it made me sick to my stomach. I felt absolutely horrified, as if someone I don't know is constantly following me and I just can't escape no matter what. I had my mirror covered with a sheet for a long time because I couldn't take it anymore. It made me afraid of comprehending how I look and I felt as if I was losing my sense of self more and more each passing day. Eventually, it turned into something much worse. I started feeling like a separate being, I felt as if I'm an entity that doesn't belong in this realm and soon enough, I will vanish and someone else will take over my body, They will look like me, they will talk like me and probably even act like me, yet it'll be someone else entirely. No one will know, life will go on as usual for everybody except me. I didn't know where my entity self will go, I was scared of leaving the house because ever so often I had those throbbing head and body pains that made me feel as if the moment of truth had come - I'm going to disappear. I never did, but the thought I will lingered endlessly and it scarred me.

Where would I go once I'd be out of my body? Will I cease to exist or will I be watching from above as everyone fails to acknowledge my true self? The uncertainty was eating at me and I became afraid of every single movement. Stairs were the worst, I always felt as if I'm going to pass out every time I went up or down them.

I want to say I'm doing better now, but that would be a blatant lie. Ha, at this point I don't really understand my own feelings. I feel fickle and unstable, people around me will testify to that as well. I don't know what the future holds, but I'm scared. I can't think of another word to describe my thought for my future self. I feel small and patronized, I don't feel a sense of belonging or love. I feel so empty and lonely. I don't know what to do anymore.

Ah, giving up seems so easy nowadays. Maybe I should just relent to that need of getting rid of every single thought I have. Enough is enough.