ngl i miss the good reads i found here,,, so, where do I start?

uh if anyone still cares about me lmao here we go, I warned y'all that I was gonna take a break, right? i became more active in other platforms, idk there was something about aff that I wanted to get away from (not the responsibilities my ty self one year ago laid upon thy self because she thought it was a good idea to publish unfinished books simultaenously tho) so I pursued that urge, and the hype in me died down for some reason so I decided to distance myself from here


I miss my old friends TAT i hope they're still active here, and still remember me lmao


how do i do this uh, first off I've drafted all the ty unfinished pieces that I don't really wanna remember writing about right now, I'm going to TRY to update now, but no promises, I'd rather you guys be prepared for my ghosting this site for a while, as I'm still dealing with the iness of reality and work


I'm sorry if my younger self made promises to update, make more, blah blah blah, you're free to hate me tbh, I get death threats on a weekly basis so this won't be new (also shout out to when I blogged about how I received a comment about self harm lmao I wanna invite her back here idk and go all "try me " this has gotten easier to deal with)


also why I came back is a pretty funny story hshshhshs so 2020 is nearing right? and I brood here on my own and I immediately remember that one episode in EXO Showtime where they went to the beach and like, screamed into the sunset what they wanted to achieve for the next year, hoping that 2014 would bring them good stuff but 20 ing 14 still became OT12's downfall, idk i teared up at the thought ot ot12 again so after binging Showtime, I craved for more esp since xiusoo is still in the military.


I craved for xiuchen/kaisoo in particular, and the story that popped up into my mind is @/unclassified_senpai's AMULGOE (it's a good ing read, boys, give her a go and I promise you'll fall in love), so I search for it in ao3 BUT turns out she didn't post it there. My panic-y , of course, panicked because this story is SUCH A ING GEM OK I would have seriously cried if I found out she deleted it so I return here


so credits to her for being part of the reason I'm back!


Regarding me personally, I'm at that part of my life where I just don't ing care about anything? Death seems bleh, life even more so and I just wanna write but at the same time just lie down and think about how the universe works?? My moods have been all over the place, even I can admit that, there are days when I cry even when I was LITERALLY JUST SMILING A MINUTE AGO.


I'm too young for this but at the same time too old to deal with puberty like body/hormone phases, so that too right?


also I updated Gashina, still don't know how the it has so many views and subs, I'm getting ready for them to unsubscribe after this update actually. but sjsksoejh ngl I'm touched they waited, or maybe my stories have just been pushed to rot and dust in the back of their subscription archives; nonetheless I'm thankful some still held on


hopefully only a few would unsubscribe after the update bc ngl it's short but it's to keep y'all thirsting for more, ok? I'll add here that Gashina's gonna have five chapters only, and they're all named after the parts of a story plot (so there's introduction, rising action, , falling action and resolution), not gonna say how it goes tho so lmao subscribe to it if you want


warning, I posted this to notify y'all that I'm still alive (barely) and breathing (more than needed) but I don't know how my future moods will be like, people change! I change on an hourly basis, sometimes by the minute too, so we'll really never know. Come at me in the priv or post how much you hate me for being selfish, but I did warn you guys that I'm tired and busy and on the ocassion lazy, because my life sadly doesn't only revolve around writing (i wish it was though) or this site specifically, and I'm a multi-fan but I'm also an on-off stan, as I said I'm busy, sorry


this is starting to sound so egotistical lemme step back, I know I have no right to be lazy even when I'm not that good of a writer (trust me I ing know and I don't ing care if you hate my style), I'm not even that active, but you chose to like my story, so you pay the price of waiting, or you can unsub now lol


you don't have to worry, even I cringe at what I've done, hence why I took down most of the stories I posted impulsively and only let those who've a solid plot stay, those and Gashina which is my most popular, ofc imma try to update that lmaoo


if you stuck with me long enough to know my old laptop, the bane and blessing of my existence back then, the one where i wrote all my drafts and the one that always broke because it was a ty model, i'm here to sadly inform you she has passed away unexpectedly with all my drafts, and I'm stuck with borrowing my sister's sksksk


so cheers to everyone who bothers to read this, I wish you have a merry christmas and a happy new year! 


also if you do still remember me can you please hmu in the priv chats so I can at least catch up with someone lmao