personality traits 

— Loyal, Disciplined, Charismatic, Perceptive
— Ambitious, Deceptive, Unpredictable, Instinctive
— Sly, Calculating, Short-Tempered, Competitive, Cocky

             
 

personality
Basically, Ilyong is someone who is always scrutinizing the people and situation around him. Always looking for someone willing to let him skim off the top of whatever they have. Ready with a fantastical story about the things he's seen in his life (that he totally did not do, he just has some crazy "friends") to draw others in. Someone paying sharp attention might notice that Ilyong feels like he has to do something to make people care about his existence. 

Sometimes, as a result of constantly comparing himself to others, Ilyong gets off on the wrong foot with people he's in awe of. If he sees an inch, you bet that he'll take a mile. When he's messing around because he can, his target often has no real need to stop him. While often times his methods seem self-serving, he is an honorable brat. If he gives you his word, he will keep it, no matter what strange or incomprehensible way he uses to go about it.

Because he's used to having to keep his thoughts to himself and be sneaky about his intentions, deception is the best weapon in his arsenal. His emotions are rarely under lock and key, but his anger is cold, often served with a side of revenge. When he's serious, his emotions go die in a hole somewhere as his sense of righteousness takes over, heavy with disappointment. Therefore, his arrogant fronting isn't all hot air; he's prepared to take the consequences of going toe to toe with anyone for the right reasons. It's not that he doesn't respect authority, but rather, he finds himself being constantly disappointed by flawed adults and children that hide in adult bodies. Ilyong won't hesitate to take someone down a peg if it is necessary.  Otherwise, when it's better to devote his energy to misdirection, he pastes on a grin so wide that sometimes his face freezes like that for a while.

One might think his motto would be whatever it takes, but they would be wrong. It's when he's pressured or restricted that he's at his most creative. However, along with the rules given by the environment, he also has some rules he has for himself. Of course, Ilyong doesn't tell anyone what his fundamental rules are, but a couple of them are easy to figure out.

One of them is to never be a crybaby. Another is to never expose his weakness to the outside world.

Unlike most other people, Ilyong doesn't want to be seen as predictable. Doing so would mean that he would give up whatever shred of wild that he still has. He's honestly scared that he'll become someone's lapdog.

That wild that he was born with, no one taught it to him. While it was the source of most of his suffering when he was younger, time has made him romanticize it. Sometimes Ilyong finds himself wanting to go back to having no one care about him. After all, nowadays, he's always on either "fight" or "regroup". "Retreat" no longer has any meaning for him. Ever since he got closer to others, "retreat" has been replaced by "wait for rescue". If he's overwhelmed, the torrent of conflicting ideas within his head paralyzes him, rendering him useless unless someone can rouse him. His dependence on others is at once stifling and freeing, for he's never felt more at peace with the world than when he's surrounded by those that care about him through thick and thin.

Most of the people that like him are people that disliked him at first, after all. Ilyong's favorite kind of people are the ones that give him a challenge or compete with him, even for the smallest of things. He wouldn't sabotage such a contest and expects the other person not to as well. After all, what's the point of ending the fun early? The journey is much more important than the destination, and the means always influences the end. The means you use will always come back to bite you in the if you're not careful. Karma's a , right?

                             

background
Ilyong grew up the second son to parents who had to drop out of college and get married young. His parents tried their best to make ends meet by working long hours and relying on his disapproving father's parents to help raise Sungil. However, as soon as they got to a point in their lives where Sungil was responsible enough to take care of himself, they had Ilyong. Their grandparents didn't stay long after that. 

Since Sungil was the type of "wise beyond his years" child that evoked pity in others, they gradually entrusted more and more responsibility over Ilyong to him as he got older. The reason why this is significant was because their parents had no idea that they accidentally made Sungil the most important figure in his life. Ilyong grew up under SUNGIL'S rules, and Sungil's rules were to not get Sungil in trouble and that if he obeyed, Sungil would share the spoils of whatever he managed to sneak behind their parents' backs. Age-inappropriate movies, extra sweets, stolen toys, and whatever else they wanted, they got. Sungil was pretty much an kid that pretended to be a "model son". Meanwhile, Ilyong transformed into a clever little by experiencing the art of bullting and manipulation firsthand. A rivalry formed as soon as Ilyong figured out how to fight back against Sungil's schemes and claim the spoils for himself.

However, this wasn't to say that his brother was just a normal bully. For some reason, Sungil would sometimes get all protective over Ilyong. Ilyong had no idea what Sungil was protecting him from at the time. It just manifested in times like when Sungil would help him get around their parents, hold his hand during scary parts of movies, or open up just the tiniest bit and talk about the life he had with their grandparents. Everything was so confusing when his normally pathological liar of a brother would suddenly start caring and then push Ilyong away.

Meanwhile, their youngest brother, Daeil, was born when Ilyong was 5-years-old. He didn't join in the rivalry between his older brothers. Why? He didn't have to. Like a true Nam bro, he found a way to push his parents' buttons to get what he wanted. However, he broke Sungil's rules by acting like a spoilt child and throwing tantrums with all the waterworks in the world. The one thing you weren't supposed to be was a crybaby. As a result, Daeil completely overshadowed his older brothers' covert operations and made the house run based around his needs! Their mother even cut her hours at work until eventually she became a stay-at-home mom to better take care of her little baby. She could finally could sit down with and let him grow at his own pace, and forgave him for being fussy. Honestly, to Ilyong, it felt like she invaded their home with her stifling presence. Despite getting giggly over Sungil getting frustrated over having to work around Daeil and their mother, Ilyong felt caged, like he was always being watched. That meant the two brothers had to take their fighting outside. Unsupervised chaos ensued.

But then Ilyong's father got a promotion at work that would relocate the family to Seoul. Therefore, at the age of 9, Ilyong found his whole life changing. His parents had finally proved to the world that they could make it through and get to the point where they could live comfortably. The sudden freedom took some time to process. Ilyong was suddenly given an allowance, while Sungil's was increased. Because of this, Sungil got the wondrous idea of trying to buy Daeil's love with toys and candy. That left Ilyong seething, seeing his older brother sell out to a toddler who was the world's biggest crybaby. He was totally not jealous.

And with their new prosperity, the Nam brothers no longer had to be together all the time. They went to their own separate schools and after school activities. Sungil was in high school, so he went to cram school to prepare for the upcoming and daunting college entrance exams. Ilyong was sent to an academy for the performing arts after he found a talent for singing Daeil to sleep. Daeil had been their mother's little dress up doll and eventually got scouted by a modelling agency, with his mother as his manager. Thus, things went back to the way they used to be, with Sungil and Ilyong alone at home in the evenings, but it didn't feel the same. They would soon come to a realization that there was a certain pull that they felt between them, like an understanding that only they had of each other. In truth, they had been focusing exclusively on spreading their influence throughout their new environment that they found themselves missing trying to one-up each other. 

At school, Ilyong didn't have any same-age friends because his classmates followed the example his teachers set in criticizing Ilyong's use of his Busan dialect. Because he didn't fit in with their cookie cutter Seoul "standard", he would pretend to tell them off in his satoori just to spite them. But what gave him notoriety were the times when he would have the gall to do whatever he wanted without any regard for the consequences. For example, Ilyong saw enough wallets being stolen so unprofessionally that he felt like teaching them how to steal. When he would recover the stolen property, he would (politely) extort the victims (since they were older than him, often times than not) to buy him something of small value in exchange for their wallet. While sometimes that would get people angry at him, he managed to impress some of the upperclassmen and gain their protection. Ilyong was a terror, but a cute little one that meant well. He just needed someone to teach him the new boundaries of his dominion. 

In that regard, he liked keeping adults out of his life, especially his parents. After all, what good were they? When they were there, they meddled in what the brothers were doing with their lives. Besides all that, Ilyong was fortunate enough that his parents already had their hands full. Sungil had their father breathing down his neck at home to make sure he got into a good college. Daeil was constantly being driven around to different jobs and earning money, that little sonuva. Meanwhile, Ilyong was just asked if he got an important part in his class' performances. After all, becoming an artist took time and was easy to take the slow progress for granted. Eventually, since he was free to do as he wanted at home and school, Ilyong took to hanging out in the city after school. Of course, he told Sungil about where he was so then his parents wouldn't freak out. But more often than not, he would either go bother whoever looked like fun to mess with (usually the drunks) or just climb up whatever he could reach. He did whatever came to his mind. 

Once, while on the run from some older kids from another school, he skinned his knee and twisted his ankle as he tried to duck into a narrow alley. They decided to give up pursuit as soon as it started raining, however. That left Ilyong lying in a red-tinged puddle on the concrete, exhausted and in pain. That was how he ended up meeting Kim Jinhyuk, a construction worker seeking shelter from the rain while on his smoking break. Their first words to each other were combative, as neither Jinhyuk or Ilyong wanted to sacrfice their pride. However, before Jinhyuk left out of frustration to go find peace elsewhere, something in Ilyong's voice stopped him as he said, "I can't go home like this." Ilyong gave up hope as he hopelessly watched Jinhyuk's back get smaller as the distance between them increased.

Of course, Jinhyuk came back with first aid. Ever since then, Ilyong would make up any excuse to show off where he knew Jinhyuk could see him. Better yet, if he got the chance to annoy Jinhyuk, he did. Ilyong reminded Jinhyuk of himself, and that led him to be able to cut through Ilyong's bull whenever it was necessary. After some time, it became obvious to Jinhyuk that Ilyong was looking forward to his scoldings, as if he didn't get any at home. Jinhyuk made the conscious decision to try to get closer to Ilyong, but he didn't know anything that could be useful to a 10-year-old. All he knew was that he was finally able to get his together after he enlisted into the army on his 18th birthday. Therefore, if Ilyong wanted someone to keep him in line, then it hinged on if he could convince Ilyong to trust him.

Ilyong originally disobeyed everything Jinhyuk told him to do, but was won over by his consistent approach. He came to find Jinhyuk's military-like physical training to be the challenge he was looking for. Ilyong was taken care of and had more demanded of him than any other point in his life. It was foreign at first, but then he got used to it, even found it to be better than staying at home. He didn't have to think, didn't have enough time to get disappointed or angry. It gave him the break he needed to have confidence and peace of mind that what he did mattered. While he gave them his obedience, he knew from experience that Jinhyuk  had a heart, so he would let his real emotion slip out sometimes. Ilyong loved getting around the rules, surprising Jinhyuk at the right time, even if it meant he had to pay for it later. He felt Jinhyuk place a  metaphorical collar around his neck, but found that he didn't mind it much, as long as he didn't feel Jinhyuk holding the other end.

Since then, after the training sessions, Jinhyuk would be the hyung Ilyong secretly wished for, while Ilyong would be the dongsaeng that made Jinhyuk feel needed. Of course, then when Jinhyuk started calling Ilyong "Son", like he remembered his superiors used to, Ilyong took it one step further by calling him "Dad". While the warmth and affection they had for each other could be felt from a mile away, from then on, it became a contest to see who broke down from the cringiness first. They started doing more things and sharing more parts of their lives, to the point where Ilyong started playing wingman to find Jinhyuk a lady friend.

Things came to a halt 6 months later, when Sungil suddenly threw away all of his pride. In a fit of extreme emotion that Ilyong had never seen before, Sungil begged their parents to listen to him, that he had something important to tell them. However, as soon as Ilyong heard the words "You don't know what's happening right under your noses", he knew he had to make Sungil shut up. Unfortunately for him, Sungil was able to bat him away and continue to spill his guts. However, as Sungil confessed to his misdeeds, at worst, they forgave him and at the least, they brushed his words aside, saying that it's not possible for all that to happen. While the brothers had suspected that their parents knew things about them, seeing them desperately try to find a way to pretend the issues didn't exist confirmed that they would do anything to sweep it all under the rug. It was always that, as soon as neighbors and coworkers stopped asking about their troublemaking son, Ilyong's parents laid off him. 

That gave Ilyong the chance to play the "scared and concerned little brother" card. With some useful words, Ilyong was able to say something about how overworked Sungil was and all. However, afterwards, Ilyong and Daeil cornered Sungil to demand to know what was his REAL problem. It was a surreal scene, having the previous balance of power flipped on its head. Ilyong laughed and joked with Daeil that the reason why Sungil was freaking out was because he contracted a bad case of cooties. Therefore, he was trying to clean up his act to look better for a girl. 

However, it turned out that Sungil had suddenly grown a guilty conscience after he stood, paralyzed as he saw grown men come out of a car and abduct a girl walking home from school the other day. He was tormented with nightmares of the same happening to his brothers and him standing by, being powerless to help. That compared to their grandparents, their parents were so blind and lax, that they had inadequately taught their children how to stay out of danger! And it was all his fault for making them see it like a game to be played!

That shut them both up, with scenes flashing in Ilyong's head where the same could have happened to him. But there was one difference, Ilyong pointed out. He and Daeil had people to watch their backs, while Sungil didn't. Their parents gave bad advice regarding dealing with their classmates, so it was better that they made their own justice. Thus, Ilyong gave Sungil Jinhyuk's number to call, if he ever felt unsafe again. "He'll come, even if he has to call in an emergency at work," Ilyong reassured Sungil.

After that talk, Ilyong felt the chain between him and Sungil break, very anticlimactically, as if one of the links had rusted away. Sungil returned to his unapproachable push-and-pull, but ended up not being able to hold his head up high as he left for college. He would contact Ilyong and Daeil infrequently, whenever it "made sense" for any older brother to talk to his brothers. And then it was only Ilyong at home, without Sungil to act as a buffer between him and his father.

Under the guise of becoming more serious about his dream to become an idol, Ilyong began to spend more of his time with Jinhyuk. It got to the point that Ilyong came to Jinhyuk's workplace straight after school and finished his homework while waiting for Jinhyuk. Together, Jinhyuk did what he could to support Ilyong's dream, including listening to and watching Ilyong's performance parts. Sometimes Jinhyuk's current girlfriend would have a meal prepared for them after a long day, before Jinhyuk dropped Ilyong off.

At the age of 12, Ilyong joined a dance crew called the "Groovy Boyz", made up of some of his "admiring" upperclassmen and others from the school. They worked hard in tournaments and rose up from the bottom fast. However, Ilyong was the weakest link of the crew, as he wasn't as good as the rest in dancing. In fact, the only reason why he was doing dancing competitions and not vocal contests were because he found them more challenging for him.

When he was 14, during a competition, one of the judges decided to tell them that their refusal to replace Ilyong with someone more talented at dancing was the only thing holding the team back from winning. Therefore, if they accepted someone the judges thought would better compliment the team, they could go on to the next round. Despite his protests, even Ilyong agreed that they should try it. Unfortunately for them, while they were able to advance through the next couple of rounds, everyone, including the judges, realized how much the team relied on Ilyong's quick, mid-performance adjusting skills. That was how Ilyong was able to catch the attention of Maroo Entertainment. Of course, it took time, but the Groovy Boyz were able to gain a new sense of unity as they wished Ilyong good luck at his new company.

During that time, he lived in the dorms and wasn't allowed a cell phone. His parents and Daeil were supportive in just the right amount and would even come drop off food for him a few times a month. However, training at Maroo was difficult simply because they had the dubious honor of being the ones to break him in. Ilyong wasn't ready for it and ended up rejecting their attempts to mold him into whatever they wanted. After a year and a half of being at Maroo Entertainment, he quit. 

When their gossipy neighbors heard about Ilyong's return home, his parents clamped down on him and tried to physically ground him to keep him from running off. Out of fear that people would start talkinng about how she lets her son hang out with an unrelated, unmarried "family friend", she forbid Ilyong from meeting with Jinhyuk for a while. Daeil was sympathetic, but he was ultimately happy that their parents never questioned what he got up to. Ilyong, with the secret help of Daeil via bribery, proved to his parents that no restraint could keep him from doing as he wanted. It was on one of those expeditions that Ilyong overheard their grandparents snicker over the phone at his mother, saying "I though you said your son was going to be on TV someday. Doesn't look like it will happen, heard he was kicked out for his disobedience." What he heard his mother say in return made him rethink how he saw his parents.

"Oh, my son is a troublemaker, sure! But he knows where he wants to go and how to get there! He won't turn out like me or your own son, mark my words!"  That was when Ilyong realized where Sungil learned to do whatever he wanted behind people's backs. The paradigm shift made him see the parallels between what Sungil told him and his own relationship with his parents. In their own way, his parents were trying to protect them at the most basic level. Holding down the fort, keeping all the prying eyes and loose lips away from their sons. As he understood more, Ilyong found it hard to find pleasure in rebelling against his parents. In response to his surrender, his parents bandied him about, showing the world that he had learned humility. After some time passed, they laid off Ilyong's case once more, and returned to their normal home life.

The sudden change didn't make Ilyong happy, in fact, it made him want to try to chain himself to them. Pretend that they had bested him, pretend that he was stuck in his room. Nothing worked, and they stuck their heads back into the ground to pretend as if nothing also happened.

Near the tail-end of 2015 was when Ilyong got scouted by Beat Interactive. They sent him and some other trainees to promote themselves at the 1Million Dance Studio starting in 2016. To everyone at Beat Interactive, the Nam family was happy and very supportive of each other. Except that they never really were seen together often. Ilyong's older brother was the only odd one out.

Sungil, hearing the mess their parents left behind at home, tried to make up for lost time by coming by the office one day and intentionally be mean to Ilyong. He wanted to see the people that Ilyong told him about, the ones that would protect and defend his little brother. However, before he could royally piss everyone off, Ilyong ran up to him, punched the wall next to him, and tearfully yelled that Sungil should have just skipped all the pretense and worn a “Kick Me” sign on his back if he was going to be like this. That if he was going to apologize, he ought to do it right, with a stupid, bull toy and that slimy look on his face, begging to be liked.

After having gone somewhere for two hours, Sungil showed up with a teddy bear that Ilyong promptly hugged and named “Stupid Bull”. Being too stunned to say anything, Ilyong just broke down, leaning into his brother’s frozen form, and cried happy tears right there and then, because it felt like a huge weight was lifted off of his shoulders. Like in a corny reunion scene, slowly, Sungil slung his arms around his brother. Sungil continued to come by to his brother’s events until he got drafted into the military in January 2017.

However, a change in management of the group was ultimately the reason why he was unable to debut with A.C.E. in May 2017. It was like a punch to the gut, hearing them say that they wanted nothing to do with him. He almost broke one of his own rules while he was begging them to reconsider. In the end, Ilyong went home with a fire in his eyes, intentionally trying to make people feel bad for him, give him some encouragement to try again. But on the inside, something in him felt like it had been shot, and he was just a dead man walking.

Of course, this is where Rebirth comes into the story.

                                         
 

likes

— Sweets, especially cheesecake and chocolate ice cream
— Getting his adrenaline going, cheap thrills is the name of his game
— Locking people's phones out, it's sort of irresistible if he sees a phone lying around
— Dancing to whatever's playing, he takes it as a challenge to dance to songs with bad melodies
— Attention, can't go wrong with that
— Showing off, since he likes to entertain others around him. Even when he fails, he tries to spin it into something people can be in awe of

dislikes

— Conforming, doesn't like being a mindless little drone
— Inefficient bullies, will either tell them they're not worthy or spin it back on them, to show them how to do it the right way
— Falling on his face, head trauma is bad, but face trauma is worse
— People copying him, on one hand, it's annoying, and on the other, if they're not prepared, then he gets concerned about them facing the same firing squad that he does daily
— People with malicious intent, revenge may not come swift, nor cut deep, but he will take advantage of at least one one opening, like a tic. No one can stop him, not even himself.

habits

— Pretending to be innocent. When the situation calls for him to lay low
— Coming up with an alibi. Always has an alibi on hand, unless he really doesn't give a flying fuc.
— Acting happy. This one is more default than anything else.
— Doing natural aegyo. Did I mention defaults?
— Imitating other people's mannerisms unintentionally. Usually whoever he's been spending a lot of time with
— Asking questions with his eyes and not his mouth
— Doing nice things for the good people in his life so that they continue doing nice things for him.
— Doesn't miss any days in the gym. He needs to keep up his strength and beat his hyung
— Nicely pesters people to buy him things. Though he likes the reactions that he gets from pestering more than the getting of things. Thus, he tends to ask for unusual/outrageous things that he doesn't expect people to follow through with.
— Ordering people around. He's very confident in his instincts, when it's an important situation. Otherwise, if there's nothing going on, he'll do it just because he knows he can with certain people.
— Calling people "Sir" or "Ma'am". Usually only slips out of his mouth when people question his trustworthiness or want him to recognize their authority.

hobbies

— Anything that requires physical activity. He is a former wild child, after all.
— Fixing broken things. He did learn some useful skills from Jinhyuk, including basic home maintenance, Fixing Sungil's Old Toys 101, and patching up wounds/injuries.
— Finding new ways to amuse himself. It is literally a science and art form combined.
— Learning new things. Related to him picking things up a lot. Getting someone to teach you something is also the best way to secretly learn more about them.

fears

— Failing, Ilyong doesn't want to go back to that state of depression he was in after he left Beat Interactive. Screw the consequences.
— "Nice" people. Ilyong doesn't really trust anyone until he sees how they act when they're upset. A lot of people have a hidden agenda, after all.
— Cages. Both psychological and physical types. He will do whatever it takes to attract attention and get help, even to his own detriment.
— Being alone. He only remembers a time when he used to be embrace being alone. Now, his first thought is, unfaillingly, was he left behind? Was he not good enough?

special talents

— Acting at the drop of a hat. Can start tearing up in 10 seconds and more. Probably will give acting trainees a run for their money. 
— Krumping. It's the style Ilyong prefers, because of how intense and precise the movements are. It feels like a way for him to let out his rawness in a controlled manner. See this, but of course, not as good as them.
— Trying almost anything. Sometimes he even tries things with a false confidence just to see if he can surprise himself.

trivia

— No matter who is in the maknae line, he is their leader.

— Whenever he feels like he did something he's ashamed of himself for, he feels the urge to punish himself by exercising. Jinhyuk's method of behavior adjustment is to make Ilyong do 2 pushups for each infraction. 

— Ilyong still keeps Stupid Bull with him at night.

— Beware the quiet ones. This one used to bite when people got too close and might still.

— Used Cesar "The Dog Whisperer" Milan episodes to help him learn practical English to study for tests. And also to see if he could befriend stray dogs and make them his bodyguards in the streets. While most of the time these dogs were captured by a dog catcher eventually or returned to their homes, Ilyong did find a way to make it work.

— Ilyong has sincerely never tried alcohol or drugs before. Also, will not get tattoos. Why? Jinhyuk made him promise not to do anything that would hinder his enlistment. All because Jinhyuk said that he would re-enlist at the same time Ilyong was drafted so that they could do it together.

— Runs on caffeine and protein shakes

— Is ambidextrous because his parents forced him to learn how to use his right hand at the age of 3. Naturally he would use his left when they weren't looking.

— Kid is literally obsessed with touching his face after cleaning it or putting facial products (like face masks) on

— Can take really quick showers, because he's used to competing for the bathroom

— Favorite movie genres are thrillers and horror. Often gets ideas from them and also just likes forcing people to watch them with him

— Sungil's platoon leader made a competition out of doing his Physical Training (PT) once he heard that Ilyong was better at the exercises than his older brother. Thus, the two brothers battle it out monthly to see who can get the most reps and/or best time. They have to communicate all this by mail, and have someone sign it to make sure everything's authentic. Ilyong has more flexibility and endurance, while Sungil is stronger.

< i am iggi >