QQ...!!

I feel guilty towards Runyu because I came to like Pyeha. Before, when HSALF was airing, i despised him for what he was doing to Jinmi and Xufeng. And I thought we were too different. I couldn't understand him. But now that i'm watching the Last Empress, I could totally relate to Pyeha. He is like me and I am like him. But... Whenever I see Runyu, i feel guilty that I was not more understanding towards him. My heart kind of hurts. I said some bad words about him. Now my heart aches when i am going through that tag. I look into his eyes and my heart just sinks. I feel i was very horrible towards him and maybe the character did not really deserve it. Is this my punishment? To always feel guilty? For being such an awful being? I'm gonna bawl my eyes out. Why main heroines never feel like that? Do they have brain fish?