It's been a while.

How I remember & want to blog here after so long, well I came across a video of someone reacting to 6 years of EXO.

Maybe you can guess but I am definitely not in any fandom or fan of any kpop jpop artist now. When this fallout happens? I cant say for sure maybe late 2014 when I started university? But it trickled from there I think. Life just got busy & whats with instability of EXO as a group, I spent less time reading about their update & kpop overall. As a fangirl I have always been someone who can only like ONE group at a time (this I've tried but I really cant like more than one because I usually will spend & give my whole to that one group). Of course I can like other groups as well but others are just passing interest & idrc much to get into them in details. So losing interest in EXO is pretty much this is it moment for me. I thought after EXO maybe I might get into other groups but after almost 3 years it seems that phase has really passed me through. 

Ah.. But I so want to reminisce & share my fangirl history from the start until how it ends.

2006 - My friend got me into Kdrama (My Girl), this wasnt the first as my local tv did air kdrama earlier winter sonata, autumn in my heart, hotelier etc but this was a first during my teenage year after so long. And I became hooked on Lee Jun Ki & became his fangirl. The fact he can act, sing & dance kinda just seal the deal for me. This during the time when myspace & friendster especially were the hot websites lol And now friendster didnt even exist. Is myspace still alive?

2007 - Another friend (she's just moved to my school & a much earlier kpop, jpop & cpop fan) told me to search & watch SuJu Full House & what do you know. I was an instant fan especially Heechul Donghae & Kyuhyun. This lasted until 2008? Because when Sorry Sorry came out in 2009 I pretty much has moved on into another group. But fangirling during this time is a pain. Internet back then used dial-up (whos with me) & the speed was so bad even a horrible video quality took hours to download you kids nowadays have it easy I tell you. Oh I also fell in love with Hwayobi & Hwanhee in We Got Married this same year (was it? I dont remember) although they werent real *sad face* but yeah I loved them. I even made a fmv for them. I also tried to like DBSK which was the hot stuff at the that time but I just couldnt. I mean I do like their songs but I just couldnt get into them. The same with SHINee & every other group. I really did try. I think I was way too earnest during my time fangirling over suju though because I learnt how to read hangul alphabet & words. I can read & write the word but I wasnt diligent enough to be better other than knowing simple phrases haha

2009 - As you know, I've liked another group which was 2PM. This was before Again & Again & due to their variety show that I dont remember the title......uhm.. well yeah. So Jaebum & Junho were the one I liked in this group. This didnt last that long either given that issue in September the same year I still remember this huhu So after the incident my interest was slowly fading but it was replaced by another group & some other thing which was my issue in college. 

That year if I have to be honest, I struggled with my study & my motivation was down to the lowest pit ever. I think my confident went down the drain as well. My mom kinda forced me to go into college earlier which I already opposed verbally but yknow.. Asian mom. So I still went there & I just hate life there as I wasnt ready for that. I was expecting a few months break after high school & not got into such stressful environment yet again. So yeah.. my study earlier 2009 was pretty much a fail & kpop kinda turn into my support in a way? But then 2PM got riddled with problem & I didnt want to meddle that with my own problem so I kinda left.

Thats when I met Arashi. Yup. This is a jpop boyband. I think I found them at their peak year either. How I even ended up with them well my guess would be from my friends who were also roommates that fancy KAT-TUN, introduced the group to me in the same year. Weird isnt it I somehow became Arashi fangirl when my 2 friends were into KAT-TUN. It is how it is. I feel like Arashi has more loving yourself kinda motivational songs so that somehow helped me to feel a bit better & try to do my best even if I didnt like my condition right now (Arashi Fight Song guys) I managed to get one of the same friend & another friend to like Arashi so thats a success? haha So.. they became my group until I found EXO. The fall out happened of course due to time & maybe because of the hardship of getting any jpop content lbr. The subbing community will eventually change & you gotta keep up or left behind knowing nothing no updates no video etc. For a fangirl that was a pretty tiring routine to do after a few years. I mean internet did improve but it was still hard what with restricted jpop content always in hundreds MB & your internet bandwidth cap was like 5GB?

2012 - EXO was found by chance on youtube. Yeeun from Wonder Girls was one of girl group member that I fancy a bit more than my idrc attitude to others lol. So one day her fan uploader uploaded a video of EXO-M in youtube. Well I've heard of EXO Mama earlier but the song was kinda eerie for me whats with the chanting so I kinda dismissed them lmao Im so sorry EXO. But then that video showed just how dorky Luhan & Lay being, Tao seeming so absentminded with Chen & Xiumin looking so awkward not understanding a thing & Kris pretty much trying to keep everything in line. I was hooked. Just because of ONE freaking video. The rest is as you know it.

In a way I'm actually thankful for having the chance to go gaga over kdrama, kpop, jpop & jdrama as I also manage to acquire some unrelated but might be useful for later skills I hope like subbing, video editing, savvy usage of internet whisper(private torrent) etc haha Being a fangirl in my adolescent & young adult years has become part of me, shaped me & made who I am.

One thing doesnt change for sure is reading. This site was the first (only found fanfiction later) to introduce me to wide range of genre like crack (at first it was a weird flex but I was like ok but then I love it haha) (It's definitely my first exposure yeah y'all I didnt even discover rated reading, manga & the like after AFF writers 'corrupted' me hahaha) So what I'm trying to say is that I still LOVE to read & am thankful for AFF for broadening my reading horizon (which later I discovered Goodreads, literature-map etc). Now my free time which is a lot haha I fill it with either reading or playing mobile games (anyone on Samurai Love Ballads lol) while trying to be a responsible adult (I swear my attitude is still so childish being an adult is hardddddd)

I dont feel old for not liking kpop  or jpop or any fangirl culture anymore. Guess that's just life & people move on. I've done & experience new things, grow some confidence, travel somewhere, lived & worked away from home, graduated my bachelor degree, met different people, now trying to get my first permanent job (please wish all the luck & good fortune on me) & hoping for a better life onwards. All I can say is I am content.