he starts off his life with a mother and father. not even a year later, he lost the latter to a the sea, a bad incident during the time the man went out to fish causing his death. it became just mother and he, and now she had to try and manage not only working in the community centre but to also take care of him.

he's so young, not all that capable of understanding what had happened. but it didn't take too long to ask about the missing father figure in his and finding out the reason for it. perhaps it's a bit cold, but he's never really even know the man enough to feel devastated. instead, there's a guilt as he saw the sadness in his mother's eye. for the fact he could not feel, the fact he could do nothing about it, or another reason—he's not actually sure.

he wanted to fill it up, though, that gaping hole his father unintentionally left behind in her. so he toddled after her, insisted on following her to the ccommunity centre as he tried to keep her company. but in the centre, there had been others that were trying the same. and much to his embarrassment, much better than he at it. 

most times he found himself in the arms of the elders, doted upon as his mother had to go for another volunteer work or the sort. his attempts to spend time with her was rather futile, but he still tried his best. in the end, as he grew older and more capable—he would manage to be able to assist the woman in her volunteer work. it exasperated the mother who just wanted him to have na easy life while she was able to, and sometimes she enlisted his cousin kiseok in taking care of him so that he would not be so focused on wasting away his precious time on her.

kiseok ended up successful in such endeavors, mainly because the boy managed to catch the younger's attention through the rap music he indulged in. surrounded by trot and songs of the old, the more modern beats as well as rhythimic form of 'singing' caught his attention.

it started with curiosity, but soon the boys are playing rap star when kiseok was around. then came the time kiseok would tell him that he was going to go to seoul to pursue the rapper dream. he promised to come by when he could, though, and that was good for him.

his mother bemoaned the loss of her greatest defense, but eventually she and he compromised so that she was  assured that he wouldn't spend his life on trying to so-called help her ( because if he's sacrificed his own life to devote it to her, how could she ever be happy that her boy's not chasing his own dreams? ).

at least, he still could be there for her. and making new friends of his age for once didn't seem all that bad.

his schedule ended up revolving around school life, the friends he made, volunteer work, as well as rapping. in all honesty it's quite teh busy schedule.

school life was pretty dull as it went by normally like any other. he wasn't the brightest or the dullest of students, but he was a part of the music club in school. he was the pianist as he had fell in love with the instrument when he first saw it. he would usually find himself being the accompaniment for another when one of his classmates or a student of his school was going to go to enter a contest or the sort. sometimes he couldn't come, though, and instead head off to do volunteer work to meet with the elders. 

with the elders, he would hear them gossip about all sorts of things. by now, he new a bit too much of dirt on his fellow students despite not being all that close with them. he also had one too many elders not so subtly nudging him to meet their granddaughters that were around his age. of course, he'd fondly roll his eyes at them and told them that he wasn't looking for romance at the time. however, he'd rather to play the piano for them, rap for them as he modernized their favorite songs, and help his mother cooking for them as well as those in need for it. he and his mother usually interacted during volunteer work during weekdays due to their conflicting schedules, but he didn't mind it at all. it was gun and a warm feeling seeped in whenever he did another good deed and his mother shot him a proud smile.

lately, though, there's been so much in mind and going around that he's found himself bottling up some feelings and thoughts. sometimes, he felt himself close to tipping over the edge. but he pulled himself back before he did. it didn't help, though, that the feeling of being what he dreamed of, a rap star like his cousin ( now simon dominic ) seemed to be washed away by all the duties he had now.

it felt wrong to leave, felt wrong to go for something that will take up his time and spent on trying to survive on his own instead of helping others. but the desire, the want, the need, it was festering in him. conflicting emotions and a frustration born from it. from mozart's the sonata no.16 in c major to rachmaninov's prelude in c sharp minor, even in his music it showed.

there's no one to talk to about it, though. no one he wanted to burden with his own. not when he was the support pillar of many already. 

constrained, chains on him that he never realized he started to put himself into, he realized he's lost his freedom. there's a scream wishing to burst out, but even then he would push it back down. ah, he was more frustrated at the regret of choosing this life.

it seemed almost like there was no solution. that was, until he saw one of the grandmothers who never smoked holding a pak of cigarettes. curious, he had asked her why she would bring such a thing around. she told him she brought the cigarettes and a bottle of soju to the spot she and her husband would frequent together in, then she would lit up a cigarette and talk to him there. it felt right to her, that every anniversary they had she would talk to him in that very spot. and it was  a nice outlet of feelings was what she told him.

not too long later, she would lose her breath like many others. but it's expected, really, being side by side with elders most of his life was where he had felt how brief life could be most ( there had been one too many funerals, but he's gotten unfortunately used to it and knew he could only cherish their memories together ). but her words from then still struck him. so, he took a fishing rod, bait, cigarettes, soju from the fridge, as well as a fishing manual as he headed to the spot his mother had told him would be where his father had wanted to bring him to when he was older ( he had told her what he wanted to do and she had helped provide the items and he's relieved that she understood why he's doing all this ).

fishing alone without really knowing to do was a mess, but somehow he could imagine that his father would find this all amusing. mother had told him many stories fo his father to be able to paint an image of him. the first hour or so was a mess, the next ones had him patiently waiting to be able to catch a fish. but it was during that time that he would slowly start to converse to the man his mother loved. talking to him, imagining his words, and eventually the fishing rod is set by his side as the fishes already took the food away—taking advantage of his lack of focus on it due to the fact he was left a sobbing mess. hescreamed, he wailed, he cried, tears faling freely as he finally let loose all the bottled up emotions.

when he's done, there's a asense of peace. staying a little bit longer with unsuccessful fishing, he left as the sun finally sets. by dinner time, he's home and his eyes were still red, the sniffles gone at least. his mother was there, took one look at him, and brought him into her arms.

and he cried again, and this time, he could tell her how he felt ( because in the end, it's been her he needed to talk about his woes—in the end it was her he worried most baot leaving ). and she told him it was all okay, all fine, and that he should go chase his dreams instead of being bounded ( the very same thing she had feared so much if he followed her at all times ). 

if fishing 'with his father' had become added to his routine, no one's complaining.

now able to breathe easier, he's found himself planning his life out better as he opted to leave busan and head to korea national university of arts in seoul ( specifically the department of composition ). admittedly, he would never have decided to go there as the higly esteemed university woud cost quite a lot and he's not confident enough to be bale to gain scholarship, but simon dominic ( always kiseok to him ) had decided to help his mother out in funding for his schooling. of course, he and his mother tried to deny it at first but his cousin was stubborn and simply told him that he wanted to do so because he saw potential in him and know he could go far in the industry. that's why he decided to help them out in that case.

that's the day he vowed that one day he's going to get his older cousin a nice meal and gift as thanks. as well as putting his all into the course, of course.

going to seoul was like a whole new world to him. being in the more rural areas, the urban city was most definitely new to him. luckily kiseok was willing to help him out to get used to the area at first. once that was over, he plainly told him he didn't want that much help from the older anymore simply because he didn't want to be riding on his coattails or ending up being in his shadows. respecting his decisions, kiseok lets him off but still informed him that he was going to be around if he needed him.

now, with all that settled, he started his life in seoul.

surprisingly, he got a knack on composition. in all honesty, his skills for it was better than his rapping. well, he supposed he did have experience on it from the many times he recreated the elder's songs as well as creating his own music on the side.

he may not be the top student, but his progress throughout the years was definitely astounding. due to his diligence and dedication, he became quite the well known character in school. although, many didn't approach him due to his intense vibes as well as tough attitude. those who did, though, found themselves being pushed to their limits as he made sure they all could reach the peak of their abilities. many who decided to ask for his help built horror stories of his strictness, but it was more as a joke than anything else.still, it definitely left an impression upon others.

it didn't help that as he was used to being a workaholic and needing to do more activities outside of his schoolwork that he ended up involving himself in the underground rap scene as well as some volunteer work on the side. then, nearing the final year of his time in university he had been dragged by his friend to apply for a newer label as a trainee. in all honesty, he was there as moral support but he thought it wouldn't hurt to try either.

next thing he knew, he had been accepted with welcoming arms much to his befuddlement. feeling bad to decline, he went along with it and by the time he realized what he's done he had called kiseok to tell him what happened and ask what he should do now. kiseok, that arse, just laughed at him at first much to his irritation. but then he told him to go for it if he already got in anyways. take the chance, who knew what will happen to him.

and that's how he dropped out of the underground rap scene to start his idol life, juggling it alongside university life as well as volunteer work. he could only think that it was really his fault, but hey, who knew how this will go.

oh, and no one still knew he was related to kiseok ( thank god, because he loved the man—he really did—but he wanted to be known as himself than simon d's cousin ).