November 16, 2018: I confessed to a guy friend that I have feelings for him, at the same time, I ended up losing him as a friend...

This wasn't the first time I got rejected by someone I like, it's actually my third. So you could say that somehow, i'm used to it. The harsh truth is, most of the guys are into pretty girls, they're attracted to girls who are pretty. A pretty girl they could confidently introduce to their friends. The guys I like are pretty much the same, they'll get attracted if i'm pretty enough to their standards. But i'm not pretty, i'm aware of that. Whether I like it or not, a pretty face gets you to the first stage, they'll give you a thirty percent chance ( or if a guy is a , he'll give you a 100 percent). 

Just like what happened before, it did to face rejection, it did freaking hurt. But this time, how should I say this? special? different?I was seenzoned by my guy friend, and it only took me an hour to recover from a heartbreak. Surprisingly, it took one listen to Seokmin's cover of "She didn't love me" and everything's back to normal. When I say normal, I mean I brushed off everything, the rejection, the pain. Maybe because, I took the risk, so that is why, it doesn't hurt that much, it actually felt really good.He's someone worth it, he's my friend since we were kids,he's not just any guy so even if I knew the consequences, I still made a bold move. I saw this in facebook: It's okay if you gave your best but still failed, Atleast you tried, and that's enough. That's bravery, without the assurance of winning it. Atleast you know that you did your part...I didn't regret telling him that I like him, I felt proud of myself.

It actually felt good to let someone know how you feel. I could finally sleep in peace ( ahahahahahaha, and by the way, to my readers, he's the reason why i'm inspired to update my fanfics, so you need to thank him), i'm more optimistic, happy especially after the rejection ( which is freaking weird). I'm more motivated to love myself ( ARMYS/ BTS, I LOOOOOOVE YOU), I didn't expect having so much fun exercising, I eat right just to gain weight. I'm not making an effort to see a positive change in me just to impress him (me and my guy friend we're not even friends in FB now), I'm doing it for myself, it's the cliche "If you want to be loved, love yourself first",  the love you gave to yourself will radiate and everyone will notice it. It's funny how he thinks that he will never get a girlfriend since he thinks he's ugly, but to me, he's giving my Seokmin a run for his money. He has the sweetest personality, and he's smart, and yet, he had a low self-esteem.I remember way back in highschool, he found out that one of our friends also had a crush on him, so he ended up avoiding one of my girl friends. I know that he's doing the same to me now, and it's okay with me, atleast, I made him feel that hey, someone likes you, that someone is willing to scream at the entire universe how much she likes you, and that's the number one reason why the confession was worth it, in a way, I made him feel loved.

That's what great about love, you learn a lot, you learn from your mistakes, you learn from your heartbreaks, rejections. It hurts but it doesn't mean that you would stop believing. you would stop trusting. You would just enjoy the ride, continue to learn and continue to grow, be selfless.