Bello Hola Congratulations Congratulations and celebration ^^ Today mark my 4th Anniversary here on AFF . It's been a very memorable journey to me personally so I''l write a personal letter to myself on this special day :) Please bare with me even if it's too long to read .

Firstly , I would like to thank everyone especially those who know me on a deeper / personal level , friends that I made in here , readers , talented writers, subscribers for the warmth and all the kindness I received :) It's been an amazing journey that I don't think I can ever forget . Started out in the name of curiousity and boredom have brought me to a new level of self discovery . It's like diving into a brand new world .

AFF is very special place to me as it was my very first writting / reading platform that I'm socially active in . It all started when I was having a rough time coping up with life that I was so down . Something really bad happened to me and there's no way of escaping the reality of time. Because it was very intensed , and it's not something that I can share or talked to people around me in real life that makes it even harder . Somehow , as time goes by , the pain was too much to bare .. I needed to like get it off my mind and that's when I started writing ..I lived my life all this while without knowing that I can actually write ><  I wrote my first poem out of pain low key crying for help through the hidden message . But since it's my first time , my poem doesn't really look and sound like one . It makes you cringe in a way . As time goes by , I found my comfort and started to write more and eventually get better at it . 

Who would have known that someone like me can actually write ? I'm surprised myself . That's when I started to see some hope and light in myself. I thought that ohh that must be the saying if God closes one door , He'll opened another one . There's how I begin to realized my hidden talent. It took me a long time , after all the turmoil and pain to actually discovered something new about myself which makes it even more meaningful. I think I must be really different in the sense of special which I have always felt ever since I was a child. I don't really know how to explain it but it's something that I can feel by energy and my inner spiritual thing. 

I started to visit here daily since I don't have much to do . I was some sort of healing myself . Did nothing but spent most of my time here trying to find myself and to be hopefully understood / found by someone somehow . At the beginning , I did not share or openly discussed about my personal / private pain to anyone as I was still new. It took me quite a long time before I could gain the courage to actually talk about it.  I think probably after over a year or two , that's when I'm starting to be more opened after reading and learning from other people's story through the blog posted here . One of my fav thing to do is to read blog post everyday. It's part of my daily habits that I practice ever since I started AFF. 

My journey here on AFF started to get more meaningful as I read and go through lots and lots of blog post about personal struggles , family / friendship problems , mental health issues , school / studies and etc . That's when God have open up my heart to speak and share certain things from experience in order to grow and learn from others,  besides providing each other with moral support. Reading blogs used to touched my heart alot and also make me cry in some ways as I can relate and see myself through someone else's pain . It's also the same reason and thing that motivates me to do what I do . I found healing by providing support to others. Simple talking , words of encouragement , and even sharing some positive quotes makes me feel good about myself. I started to see my worth through the hope that I can bring to someone else . I know that my pain was not meant to break me but for me to use it to inspire others and for good caused . Having a tragic ending of a beautiful story is really sad right? And for someone like me which I guess everyone know that I took pride in everything that I do , having a tragic ending is unacceptable . That's when , I decided that my story needs to end with a beautiful meaning . Just like the saying even if you have to lose , lose with pride. 

I begin investing myself by spending more time in here . I can see the positive feedbacks and how much it have effect on others especially those who are having a hard time. It's been quite a long time ever since I last feel fufilled . I usually only feel fufilled by my personal achievements like awards , getting good grades and etc . However , this time around was something different. My heart was at it's fullest content . It's a happiness that I can't describe by words . I begin to see myself from a different light . I gain my healing by listening to others . Never did I know that while I was talking and advising others to be positive , trying to stop someone from hurting themselves, I was actually advising myself too in a way . They said you reap what you sow. It's exactly the same concept. Eventually , I save myself . I don't need to be found like what I was initially hope for. I don't need to be understood because I must first be the one who understand. 

The Grace was with me. God want me to know and feel the beauty and joy of it through myself. I need to experience pain in order for me to feel and understand someone else's pain. If bad things dosent happen to me at that time , I might not be able to be as sympathetic as I am right now . What I''m trying to say is that God knows you best . Whatever your circumstances might be , no matter how bad it is , it all happened for a reason . Sometimes, we can't feel the Grace until we have gone through some storm . Lesson learned by heart is something that will last and stay . It's not something that everyone can learn in a day or two or even years. Something that only people who shared the same experience can. So when God choose you to be tested , do not complain  . It's all well written . Because when God blessed you with all the good and happiness , you didn't question Him God why did you give me happiness right?  Accept that sadness and happiness comes in hand by hand . If it's sadness , know that there's something Good want you to learned from . It might be a blessing in disguise where God is trying to protect / save you from through the rejection / betrayal and etc..  If it's happiness , take it as a bonus from God , be thankful and share your blessings with others and God will double it up . 

I'm not all good and kind as I might be , I'm still hurt and in pain , there are days that I feel so bad and down  like no words can ever explain. For all the good and praises that I received from others or that others might see in me , I pray that God forgive my lacking and guide me to be a better person than I was before . I prayed that God humble my soul and let me live through the sincerity of doing everything from the heart . Everyday , I'm still learning . Not perfect and never will I be . If you're reading this , please kindly keep me in your prayers whatever religion you maybe and I thank you for all that I've received , and might received in the future. 

If ever you're going through a hard time and needed someone to talk too , I'm here always ready to served and give my best . I want you to know that you're not alone  Things might be hard at the moment but always remember that nothing stays the same forever just like the season , it changed so as to your situation , sadness and pain. It will all passed as the matter of time. Learn to love yourself , see the good and beauty in everything , forgive and forget , spread love and kindness and life will surprised you more than you can ever think off . Always multiply your faith , share and give as much as you can. Kindly , pray for those who are in need , the sad , the sickly , those in war zoned areas , the homeless and even the world. Thank you <3 

Believe that during your most difficult time / challenge , even without saying or telling anyone , God will sent help . He sent His angels disguised in the form of human . They might be your friends , parents , siblings or even stranger. God never forsake . If He can put you through , He can pull you through . I actually experience it myself during certain time of hardship , God sent one of my amazing friend / brother in here raystar to cheer me up by sharing God words to me. Sometimes , you never knew what God have installed for you. Special shout-out to raystar for always being an amazing friend. Thank you so much ^^  It warms my heart to be able to connect with people on a deeper level. At times , I can be so drowned into my own emotion that I might have neglect or forgot my duty ..and God sent someone to remind or wake me up . 

I guess now it shows and explained why AFF hold a very special meaning to me . It holds part of my spiritual growth internally and externally . I have met and talk to many people from different backgrounds , different country all through AFF itself. Amazing memories , friendships made happened just by a clicked of a button. Technology really amazed me as always :) So let's us be thankful to the creator , owner , and basically everyone that's been working hard to make our life easier , and fun. Please kindly use the internet , use this site or any platform wisely . Use it for good caused. Be nice , don't caused harmed to others . Think before you say or do something , be responsible for your own actions , own up to your own mistakes if you had any and everyone can just be at peace . 

To celebrate my special day here on AFF , I will be giving karma points for any good / kind deeds with the hope to spread loving kindness among our community here :) So please join in by letting me know in the comment down below if you had done anything kind that's praiseworthy or worth to be an example to others . Let's share and inspire each other to be the better version of ourselves.

For those who are healthy and wish to do something meaningful, kindly donate your blood to the nearest blood bank / hospital to help increase blood supply for emergency uses. Your blood can help save life. Those who inspire to give others a chance for a better life , kindly pledged as organ donor and inform it to your family. There are many patients on the long waiting list . Do not let your organ go to waste after life. Give it to others who can use and benefit it . By helping and donating to others , you're actually helping yourself by doing something good  . Please give life a chance . Thank you ^^

Kindly donate food , clothes, diapers, wet wipes, medical kits, books, tents, torch lights, stationeries , jackets , blankets , sanitary pads , cupboards or anything that's in good condition to those who are in need like the orphanage, old folks home , special care centre , homeless , refugees ..Please do not throw away anything that's in good condition. Donate it. Those who wish to make a difference, you can always use your knowledge for good caused to help improve or make living conditions better for those who are in need. Volunteer if you can . Asked your friends and family to joined along. Thank you <3

Lastly , I just want to say thank you for reading and for all the generous support ^^ I appreciate your kindness .  Life is a journey not a race . Go at your own pace. Never compare yourself to anyone. Everyone is fighting a battle that you don't know , so always be kind . Everyday it's a new day , so don't give up.  You're doing great there even if no one noticed your good , give yourself a pat . God knows :)  May healing be upon all of you who are struggling , depressed,  hurting , sad , sick. Keep fighting . Keep going. Incase no one tell you this , You're Amazing Never Forget That . Continue to Shine.