When a little kid, has to see his father
drinking all those bottles and leaving me alone
locking in the room where I was scared to be
it hurts me to remember, but it was my childhood days
now when I am older, I can understand….
how hard it was to my mother, to deal with this
I would never could imagine that happy childhood days
would turn to loneliness in seven years old heart
thought I tried to stay happy, my mother worried me a lot
how she can deal with you, the one who don’t care about us…
is this a life you wanted, didn’t wanted you to change?
this questions still in my minds, after all that we get…
there was days so good sometimes, when you weren’t drinking
but I hated you so much until you died…
I ignored you before, because I thought your idiot
An idiot who loses his wife and daughter,
but now I understand, why this supposed to happen
you know the life is never easy, it has to teach us something
and I have learned a lot from you, and I must to say thank you
because the way I am now it’s all because of that…
I know it has been hard for you to be in army
but even it was the case, you shouldn’t done those things
can you imagine, how hard it was for her
to work all alone, and feed us all…
but i never really loved you, even you were my dad
only after your death, I understand I was wrong
could it be that my love, would change the way you was?
If I would visited you more often, would you change for me?
I still do not know, if you loved me and my mother...
to remember beating times and tears that my mother cried…
the times when I escaped and run away from you
I felt safer anywhere but not with you…
how can this be, if you were my father?
I lied a lot about you, once said that you died…
Because that time you were really dead for me
but once I left… and moved to other country
I thought you will live a longer life,
but suddenly your heart has stopped before five years
you left me all alone and lost in this chaos…
you know only now. I am able to forget this
and to move on without you...
But daddy please forgive me,
I never loved you enough
because you wasn’t a dad I always wanted to have...
But I am more and more feel like I am missing you.
And more, and more I feel like I want to turn time back,
But I know it’s not possible, I must forgive myself,
for not being the best daughter, and not giving my love
but those who have their parents alive,
remember how precious those moments together are
show them their love, cause one day…it will be to late…