I wasn't really having a crush back in 2017 because I am still coping up with my recent break up. But I won't deny I did some crazy stuffs before just to move on. I dared having some ridiculous flings, pretend-to-be-happy kind of not-so-serious relationships, well, that is how I describe it. And worst, I created a poser account and pretended as a handsome guy which actually is opposite to my real features. I am a gal, not a guy.

So keeping track to the story, using that poser account, I added people that gained my interest. I did lyric prank on some of them and had fun. But one of THEM is different, I mean the way she reacted is different. After doing my prank, others were like "OMG! You got me there." and "You're crazy! Haha" but this person I am pertaining to reacted really differently. She is despicable and swears a lot. By the time I dropped the first lyric, she was already mean. As it goes, she let off "Tangina mo", "walanghiya ka" which apparently means a swear. When she puzzled it out that I was pranking her with a song, she told me "Leche ka. Kung gusto mong kumanta o tumula wag dito, bwesit."

Correct me if I'm mistaken but it means "Curse you. If you wanna sing or recite a poem, don't do it here, ." IDK the exact translation.

From that time,  I felt so 'WOW'. I like her 'attitude'. I don't know why but she really did caught my interest, maybe because she looks challenging to pursue. Day by day, I stalked her wall till I found myself falling for her. Who wouldn't? GOSH! She's pretty and milky-skinned. She may be small but her long legs and slender body made her look taller. She got plumpy lips and beautiful round eyes. She is so pretty. That fact made me thought "Oh this girl won't like someone like me." Having a low self-esteem, I knew she won't even lay her eyes on me.

I decided to fool cupid and continued liking her. Then a month after that lyric prank incident, I got surprised to recieve a chat from her saying "Hey, care to chat?" I guess she forgot the prank thing so I reminded her that. There we exchanged our apologies. I was so overwhelmed having a convo with her, my crush. I am so happy and proud because out of 4000 friends she has in her fb, my chat is the one she is anticipating. Well, not actually me but the one I am pretending to be. GEEZ! I am a poser. I have this instinct that she grew feelings for me too but how can I be with her when I can't even show her my true identity?

We spiced things up when we started exchanging phone calls and messages. I, having a husky voice, know I am not that obvious being a girl. That's what I thought.

To continue, months after we started chatting, we had this day wherein we talked about serious matters, including the THING about us. Then an unevitable thing happened. Confessions, OMG! She confessed to me. HOLY G, SHE JUST CONFESSED TO ME. Having a wide smile tinted on my lips, I told her what I felt too.

MAY 6, 2017. We officially are an item. I got this mixed feelings like the rats on my chest are having a quarrel with the butterflies on my stomach. But half of me is blue thinking that she might not accept me if I reveal her the truth, which I really need to do if I want our relationship to stay TRUE. I want to be happy, completely happy, not being someone who I am pretending to be. I want to feel that genuine happiness and I know I will only have that once I get out of the shadow.

I have to tell her. No, I can't. She might not accept me. She will be angry. She might feel being betrayed.

For months, I hid behind my hesitation. I decided to just tell her when we celebrate our 1st anniversary. That was my plan, but I guess it wasn't what God wants. God guided our relationship and He brought us to the point of revealing.

November 7, 2017, a day after our 6th monthsary, I have watched a video about posers. So she won't suspect me being a poser, I dared sharing her about the video. I did it as smooth as ever. I assured it that I was talking comfortably but a twist happened. I DID NOT EXPECT IT TO HAPPEN. It was so out of the blue.

SHE TOLD ME TO REVEAL EVERYTHING. WHAT? SERIOUSLY? I still tried to act naturally because who knows, maybe she was only playing on me.

BUT NO! FOR THE UMPTEENTH TIME, SHE ASKED ME AGAIN TO REVEAL EVERYTHING LIKE SHE IS SURE OF WHAT I HAVE DONE. GEEZ!  SHE IS SOMETHING. SHE SOUNDED SO SERIOUS AND AFTER SOME MINUTES OF THINKING, I PICKED UP MY COURAGE AND TOLD HER EVERYTHING ABOUT ME BEING A POSER. I CRIED. MY KNEES WERE WEAK. I WAS AFRAID TO HEAR HER WORDS. I PREPARED TO CRY MORE EXPECTING SHE MIGHT DUMP ME.

But God steered the wheel and chosed a better route for us. My babe stayed calm, a bit of emotional I guess. She told me everything; from her instinct to her belief. Since during our 2 months of being together, she already have this feeling that the fb account I am using is a poser. I was so oblivious about her thoughts. As months passed by, she has her suspicion grew stronger. Well, thanks to my voice and actions which was I thought was less obvious. I think I belittled this mystery-and-crime fan babe of mine too much. She did not tell me about these instinct and belief because she wanted me to tell her by my own. All she was waiting is my confirmation. She also said that her action of thinking something about my persona helped her to react calmer about the revelation.

SHE ACCEPTED ME 😭 I WILL BE FOREVER GRATEFUL OF THIS. MY HAPPINESS IS NOT FAKE ANYMORE. IT IS REAL, IT IS A REAL HAPPINESS THAT IS COVERING ME AS A WHOLE. I DON'T HIDE BEHIND OTHER PERSON'S SHADOW ANYMORE JUST TO FEEL THE TRUE LOVE AND HAPPINESS. I AM ALREADY HAVING THESE BY BEING ME, MYSELF AND I.

We are now waiting for our 14th monthsary. We took  this 'poser' incident as one of the greatest hunch in our 14 months of journey together.

So what can you say about this chapter of our story? 

P/S: We had our first meet up last December 19, 2017 and I intentionally did not write anything about it because it deserves a new blog. I have lots of things to say about this 1st meet up which was followed by more.