Sometimes i just wish it would be easier to just let go of the things that mattered a lot. I wish it would be easy to forgive and get over things. I knew i had to take it the hard way. I knew i had to learn.

the hardest part to deal with the break up is the unfairness of the situation, and the severity of mistrust the people involved had caused. there are times i just wanna punch myself for not trusting my instincts, for being so in denial and unattentive to my friend's advises, and listening their words instead. I despised myself for believing them that i was just some paranoid overthinker who was antagonizing their so-called "friendship". Truth be told, my instincts were ing right. I feel so sorry for having neglected it. She said i was to learn a lesson from our relationship. And this was it. I had to trust my intuition more. I HAVE TO TRUST MYSELF MORE THAN HER. she could probably never see it,  but she lacks contentment (and it doesnt seem like it at all) she would probably deny the fact that she fell in love with my closest friend at work because she didnt feel contented with me anymore. I hated the fact that she used friendship as a gateway to do what she wanted to do with her. My friend may have done things but i know it takes oneself to be loyal. And if she was, she wouldn't have gone for just anyone to melt her heart. 

I may have a lot of shortcomings. I may have been and immature person with a short temper. But 2 years of relationship does not mean there can be no more room for improvements. There are times wherein i ask myself, "did i just waste 2 years of my life thinking of settling with this person?" I was sure i wanted her. I was so sure to the point that i was ready to build a life somewhere else where we could be as we are, and i was devastated to find out that it was unrequitted. All the broken promises and empty words, the face and deed of discontentment make me want to relive my past and tell me not to fall, not to trust. Not to love. but i guess everything just had to happen. I guess it happened for a reason. I had to open my eyes to people's sincerity, i just had to learn the thin line between people just living in the moment, and people who are consistent.

Maybe it isn't my time just yet. Maybe had to feel the pain this much, for this long. Maybe i had to deal with a heartbreak this much, but i know it will be all worth it. That one day, the person given to me by God, will get all the love he or she deserves. So i'm telling myself to hang in there. Just take your time, don't force yourself to do things you can't do just yet. You can do this.