Have you ever felt so choked up? Like there's a huge lump in your throat with tons of bricks on your shoulders and something is gripping on you so tight that you're breathless? Have you ever felt that? 

Yesterday when I was on my way home, walking from my work place to the subway station, I had a panic attack. It's been months I haven't been attacked and I was glad with that but yesterday. And out of a sudden I felt like my world darkened and nobody was there to help me, supporting me. It felt just like I was back in my cage. I knew I had no one to talk to, I literally needed a listener but none had ever been there for me yet I lived, I survived, I breathed and I smiled but yesterday seemed to be an absolute ending to my strength. I lost it now and it is hard to get it back. I'm feeling paranoid, I'm anxious. Those who are claiming themselves as my friends, were they truly be there for me? No. Those who told me I can open up to them and share things with them, were not even here. Not yesterday, not now. 

I just need a listener. I need someone who can pull me out from my own miseries. I've had enough thinking about how useless I was in the past and I surely do not want to think of it now but nobody has helped me to push those bad thoughts away. Whenever I ranted it on my twitter, nobody has come to help me and they let me drown in my own sorrows. It's hurting down here. It hurts so bad I feel breathless. 

I need a help. I seriously need a help.