H E L L O  !  !  !  ! 

Yep, I have disappeared once again... Life is hard you know? I don't have a particular subject today; I just wanted to talk. 

My biggest goal was to go in Japan, this year, as an exchange student but I didn't even apply to the procedure... What the h*ll, right? I will retake my second year as well... I can say that I will be "soon" fluent in Japanese: I can speak with my Japanese friends, my teachers and understand interview in Japanese about BTS and stuff, so what is wrong ? The University is asking me much more. They want me to be FLUENT right now, to read newspapers about economic, write essay without a single mistake and speak like a Native..... I have start Japanese like one year ago... I can't even be proud of my skills that I obtained in 365 days that they ask me to PERFECT RIGHT NOW. 

I never knew that College would ruin me like this... I mean as a person. I'm broken deep inside. I don't even know if reaching my goals will make me happy. I don't even know if graduating will provide me any feeling of achievement. 

I saw all my friends, smiling and enjoying their life while I just keep drowning and taking some breath, each one more difficult than the previous one. I know that I'm not alone, that I'm lucky to study (even though tuiton fees are my bank account), I know that I'm lucky. I know that...

Anyway, I decided to think about myself and stop focusing on others. It's been 2 weeks that I'm having this big thought about "THINK ABOUT YOURSELF" and I have already lost 1/2 friends. It hurts of course but if it's for my own good, I accept it. 

I accept to suffer right now for living "happily" later :)