Okay, I still haven't made any kind of move on the girl because I don't want to ruin our friendship (the girl from the last journal where I basically screamed about how adorable this girl is and yes I've only been falling more for this girl). I really just want to know if she's into me in, you know, a gay way, before possibly ruining a friendship. 

Because this girl is not just freakin' adorable. No. She knows about my whole trombone thing (it's hard not to, honestly) and she sends me band jokes because of it. She likes my dogs and reptiles and is a complete dork. I'm dying here.

But yeah, I'm just putting this here because my friends are telling me to ask her on a date but I really don't want to freak her out or anything...I'm also a total scaredy-cat. So that probably won't be happening anytime soon (unless she gives me some kind of signal that is obvious proof that she's into me). I guess its also because it would be too good to be true. And there's a little background history on that below in parentheses (don't read it if you don't feel like reading a garbage little excuse for my fear). 

(My first "real" girlfriend cheated on me after a few weeks of being together, and she really felt too good to be true. I still remember the feeling of kissing her for the first time. It was like time stopped [I know that's cheesy, but for real]. Obviously, I don't have any feelings towards her anymore, and I don't talk to her anymore because cheating kinda hurts, but I just don't want to get into another "too good to be true" situation. Because in my case, "too good to be true" means that it really IS too good to be true [I'm horrible at explaining things]. It hasn't happened to me since, but...I just don't really want to risk it. Like I said before, your author is a scaredy-cat.)

In other news...I'm going to watch an open-heart surgery tomorrow. I really hope nothing goes wrong (there is, obviously, a small chance that there could be complications, but I REALLY hope that it goes well for the surgical team and patient!!!). Even though I've got girl troubles, I still need to keep up with my education because hopefully I'll find the right girl someday, and I want to have a career that I love while having enough money to take her on some awesome dates. That feels doubtful, though...sometimes I wonder if I'll ever find a girl that really feels right and that feels the same way about me...but I still need money to take care of my two reptiles, so there's that, too. 

If you read all of that, I'm SO SORRY UGH. THIS AUTHOR IS    A C T U A L L Y    A MESS.