*Adele voice* Hello … it’s me.

It’s been a while, hasn’t it? Two years to be exact. The last time I updated a story was June 24, 2016, for You Can’t Forget Me. That was also the last time I logged in. Needless to say, it’s been a long time since I visited this website. When I logged in for the first time in a while just a few days ago, I couldn’t remember my password. Once I managed to get in, I spent over an hour catching up on comments and messages I had left unchecked. It was bittersweet, to say the least.

I’m sure you’ve been wondering where I’ve been or why I left so many stories unfinished. As far as you know, I had left AFF to focus on refining my stories for publication. So much has happened since we last talked. This update may be long, but I hope you guys bear with me; I owe you all an explanation, and I owe you all an apology.

So… Where have I been for nearly two years?

Let's backtrack to three years ago. In December of 2015, I was pressured to pursue a graduate degree. While not a bad thing to further my education, it came during a time when I had other goals and dreams; pursuing my education further would postpone and possibly cancel these. Still, against everything I had planned for, I started a two-year master’s program in the fall of 2016.

It wasn’t all bad; in fact, it became a good thing. My master’s program  had a travel requirement. Because of this, I was able to intern in Suwon, Korea, for five weeks. I visited Seoul every weekend and ate as much as I could. I shopped in Hongdae, drank tea in Samcheongdong, and nearly puked after braving a ride in Lotte World. I even visited Germany and travelled in a bus with 40 other students ranging from ages 18 - 40. We went from Frankfurt to Berlin, visiting a total of six cities in 10 days. I had gelato nearly every day I was there. I even slept inside a castle, which had been converted into a rustic hotel.

Other things happened, too. I was working full time and studying full time, so I had to get serious with time management. Family friends came to visit. I attended 13 weddings in one year. I visited my home country, the Philippines, for the first time in 15 years; I went hiking in Utah and Arizona; I got a tattoo in New York and Korea; I went fishing for the first time in Florida; I tried online dating; I said a temporary goodbye to my boyfriend as we entered a long-distance relationship; I relocated to a new house; I went to more concerts than I had money for; I dyed my hair with caramel highlights, and then I dyed it again with gray; I snuck onto rooftops; I got into a car accident and bought my own car; and now, I’m trying to figure out this whole “adult” thing.

These past two years had its perks, but it’s been difficult, too. Taking my Master’s, while an undeniable blessing, was never a dream of mine. Nor was it a dream to work full-time at the university I had graduated from. I felt that these things were holding me back from what I truly wanted to pursue. As time passed, I began to have regrets; one of them is abandoning my stories and abandoning you guys.

I’m here to say I’m sorry.

I’m sorry for leaving my stories without explanation. I’m sorry for leaving my account without any update. Maybe I’m overstepping myself – maybe none of you worried about my disappearance – but I still owe you guys an apology. I’m sorry for abandoning the stories that meant so much to you, the stories that made you laugh and cry, the stories that made you excited and held your hope. I’m sorry I wasn’t there when I promised that I would be.

To be honest with you guys, writing was never my dream – at least, not in a “forever” sense. Ever since I was young, I’ve always had one big, overarching dream, and that was music. It consumed me from the time I was 4 years old and enrolled in a performing arts program to the time I was 20 years old and launched a campaign to raise money for my first album.

As much as I love writing stories, more than anything, I love writing songs.

It hasn’t been easy to pursue my dream of music. Five years ago, I had tried out for a music competition. Although I passed, I wasn’t able to participate due to various circumstances. Nearly three years ago, I launched a Kickstarter campaign to raise money for my album. Although I reached my goal, I was unable to release my album as I promised. It was always different things – people flaking on my music projects, people not committing, losing studio space, and losing time and money. It seemed like no matter what I did, I was still in the same exact place; no matter what I did, I was still dreaming.

A few weekends ago, I auditioned for a major TV production and was rejected. I was disappointed. I thought this was going to be my big break; yet here I was, in the same exact place. And then something occurred to me.

Had I given it my best?

As I looked back on my efforts, at first, I reasoned that I had tried my best. After all, hadn’t I put in the effort? Wasn’t it the other people around me who hadn’t tried? But as I looked at it more and more, I realized that I hadn’t. I hadn’t tried hard enough. I hadn’t given all my time, my money, my efforts and resources. I hadn’t made enough sacrifices. I hadn’t given it my best.

It was a wakeup call, to say the least. Now that I’m about to graduate, I see two roads in front of me: dive into the corporate world like my parents expect me to, or run towards my dream of writing and performing music. I only have one choice. The time to act is now.

So that’s why I’m here, with you guys. I don’t deserve the love you’ve given me all these years. I don’t deserve the readers that first found me through my Tumblr account; I don’t even deserve the new readers who read my new stories despite knowing they were unfinished. I don’t deserve the artists who made graphics for me for free; I don’t deserve the authors that promoted my stories and helped me gain exposure. I don’t deserve the laughs or tears you shared as you read through chapter and chapter of fanfiction, waiting in anticipation for the next update; I don’t deserve your friendship, your support, your loyalty.

I can’t promise when I’ll update my stories again; I can’t promise if I’ll even finish them.

And I'm scared. I'm scared of failing. I'm even scared of revealing my identity, because I always preferred to remain anonymous.

Even knowing this, I ask for your support.

Will you support me in my dream? Will you support me as I make music my professional reality? Will you walk with me as I write songs about life, and love, and loss, much like the stories I wrote here? Will you stand by me as I fight to make music, not AFF, my story?

If you do – If you walk this journey with me – with your support, I promise you I won’t fail. I will deliver. And I will always, always owe it all to you.

My Website - My Instagram - My Youtube - My Facebook 

My iTunes - My Spotify

Subscribers, readers, fans, friends …

Thank you.

P.S. Since I don't know when I will be able to update stories, I provided a recap and a summary for each story currently unfinished

P.P.S. Comment if you have any questions!! I will answer all!!

P.P.P.S. Does anyone read Webtoons?? Because if so, I'm obsessed and need someone to talk to about them hahaha