kind of a reason why i haven't updated anything : >

Too long ever since the last time I wrote. A year long maybe? I've been losing interest on the things I love. But no one will ever seem to listen and understand, so I have to write. I have to write, at least, to make this heavy emptiness go away. How can emptiness be so heavy? Such irony yet it's the heaviest thing I've ever carried. Burdens are just a little portion of this heavy feeling inside. My heart aches, my chest tightens. I want to vomit, to faint. I want to scream. It's killing me, eating me alive. Why can people be so happy? Why does it have to be so unfair that only few people suffers this much? They would never know. How it feels. How it breaks me. How it eats me. How I'm so lost. How much it hurts not knowing which particular reason hurts you. You'll feel sad. You'll feel lonely. You can say you understand. But it's not sadness, it's not loneliness. I don't even know what it is. Why I'm feeling this. My heart aches, and I'll smile, but it tells me that I'm doing the wrong thing because my heart aches even more. It's telling me that you should cry, you should hurt, you should suffer. And there's nothing thay I could do about it. I may be so happy in a moment but it keeps on reminding me 'I'm here'. It won't leave. I don't know if it ever will. I can't make it stop. No matter how much I want to, I can't even smile because I'm happy. I'm smiling because it hurts. It's eating me physically, mentally, emotionally. It's killing me. Someone help me. But still I know, no matter how loud I shout, no matter how many times I ask for help. It will never leave. It will kill me. Maybe not today, but I know. Maybe soon. Maybe now. I don't know. I don't know.

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light_wood #1 Feb 23, 2018 13:50:26

You could try talking to older people about the issues you're having that you cannot outright say to your family or those people that are closest to you. Or try and get some professional help if you really think that merely talking and letting it all out won't cut it.

You shouldn't drown yourself in negative thoughts or negative feelings. It only adds up power to the 'creature' that's eating you up. I know it's not easy to fight something that isn't tangible, but you have to. If other people could be happy, you should think that you could be as well. All people suffer at some point in their life, it's just that they chose not to dwell on it and find something that could help them look for the brighter side in life.

I don't know who you are, and you don't know me for sure. I'm just a stranger who happens to stumble upon this post of yours, which is why I'm giving you some advice /which is probably uncalled for anyway, sorry for imposing :))/ I just hope that you could find the happiness you're longing for. If not now, I hope sooner. :))