writing has always been one of my coping mechanism - i write whenever things get too rough or too numbing. i write when i feel too much or when i feel too little. i write in the middle of the day or in the middle of the night. 

i started expressing my thoughts through poetry first, and for the longest time, it helped me deal with the things happening around me. i never collected these words properly in a book, or compile them over the years because sometimes they were written on napkins, scraps of paper or even on the back of my grocery receipts. then i started to write business articles due to the working environment i was in, and i learnt that while poetry is open and limitless, writing business articles limits my imagination. but both gave me different sense of satisfaction.

when i created tumblr for kaisoo, the pairing gave me a myriad of emotions that prompted me to try writing fictional snippets about them. i have never written fictional materials so while it was interesting to explore something new, there were also lots to learn in terms of writing itself. but right now, i have so many drafts in my hands but with zero creativity, low motivation, a missing muse and a personal setback, i find myself stuck in a quicksand - the harder i try, the deeper i sink. and with the recent stuff in my life, my fear of saying anything has escalated.

the problem is, i hate seeing things half-done. i hate starting something i cannot finish. i hate unfinished business.

i know that this is temporary, it has to be. because if i cant write anymore, how else can i cope with all these madness in my mind?