Hi. It's been a while.

Those of you who've been subscribed to me for a long time know how much Jonghyun means (means, not meant, because I refuse to bury him with the past tense) to me. He is my #1 idol and person. There is no one as beautiful of a human as he is, for he gave and continues to give everyone his all without taking anything in return. 

I'm not okay.

While putting on a brave face and pretending that I'll get over this, I realized that you can't forget and move on from someone who's been a part of your life, even if not personally, since 2012.

I am deleting or putting on unlisted all stories related to Jonghyun. I am doing this because 1) they make me feel enormously guilty and 2) I will not let him live on in my stories through a form of ersion or anything related to that.

If I ever find the time to update my stories, they will be moving away from triggering topics, including . I now realize that idols do not deserve to be used as shells to do sick and twisted things, even in works of fiction.

I'm not proud of my writing anymore. Maybe this view will change as I heal, but for now, I'm standing by this perspective and my decisions.

Thank you.