Hello everyone!

This is the first time that I am writing in this blog but I feel like this is one of the times when it completely valid to do so and it's a serious enough reason for me to add a voice to the matter and vent off my feelings and speak my mind about it.

On the 18th December of 2017, the world heard the news of Kim Jonghyun's death.  

It was sudden, tragic and completely devastating for us, as fans, to hear the news and I don't really want to imagine what the family and friends felt. 

What we know about his life was what we saw through his music, through the camera lense whenever he appeared on TV, through his concerts, and I think I speak for pretty much everyone when I say that he really seemed a good person. A fantastic person if I may add so, caring, loving and concerned for those around him. The kind of person that you truly wish that could have been your friend if you had the chance.

But what we see, doesn't always reflect what goes inside one's mind. The brightest souls can also be the ones who are plagued with the darkest thoughts: self-doubt, self-hatred, concerns and anxieties that, at the best of times, we can only take a glimpse of. It is literally the tip of the metaphorical iceberg. The beginning of something that we, the people who are outside, cannot understand.

He wanted help.

To acknowledge that and seek help as he did was brave. Immensely brave. There are many people who don't dare to adress the problem as he did. But the help he received wasn't the one he needed or, at the very least, wasn't enough. 

I am not blaming anyone, I am not pointing fingers. I do think that it's pointless to do so... it's not bringing him back, it's not going to make anyone feel better and will not bring anything else than hatred and that we have too much already in this world. We don't need more.

So the best solution was to permanently shut everything off and not be anymore. Not be tired, not be doubting, not be hating. 

I want to be angry at this decision. I want to be deeply hurt for the fact that this was his option but I find that I can't. I can't because, as I said, I don't understand! I don't understand what went through his mind and I don't know how he felt. So I can't be angry.  

The only thing I can do if forever wonder why, even though I know I won't find an answer, and also to be sad that someone so young and with so much to see has taken such an extreme measure to make the pain go away.

In this particular case, we all know how competetive the work market is, especially when refering to the entertainment industry. Entertainers, being idols, actors, comedians, TV hosts, etc. are submitted to such amounts of pressure to be the best. We see that every single day when we see how much they train, how little they sleep. The effort put into everyting is enormous and is heartbreaking to see how much it devastates them.

Jonghyun was not the first person to suffer from depression and he won't be the last, that is true, but I think what the entertainment industry needs to realize, and very fast, is that these people who work for you are not disposable objects you used, abuse and throw away when they decide. That is a completely wrong way of prospecting something. 

People are emoting beings who you need to take well care of if you, the industry, want to continue to persevere. Therefore, taking care of their mental health and see that every single person is well, should be, to you, more than a duty, an obligation. Your sucess depends on their sucess and, to be successful, one has to be in the right place of mind. 

This also goes for everyone who like to judge people, sometimes rather harshly, for the things they do and don't. I often see comments on the internet about how person X did this or did that and everyone is shaming them. While I do believe that some issues do deserve attention, as they represent serious actions, as in: action who endanger someone's life, most of the times is just shaming them because they don't do what people want them to... in that case: shame on those people. For their incapacity of being compassionate! We all make mistakes, don't critize and shame on people unless you are willing to try and be on their shoes. Some may argue that fans keep idols going, which is kind of true but that does not give them the entitlement of ownership over a person. 

That being said, what I also want to point out, despite the huge tangent, is that, for people who also face struggles do not have to go through them alone. There are people who you can talk to, people who are willing to listen to you and properly help. You are worthy and you deserve help!!

Music made you known to the world but you, by being YOU, made yourself eternal.
May you rest in peace, Kim Jonghyun.