So.... Another blog. Not about SHINee. Not about the members. No, this is about Jonghyun. Jonghyun in person, not his fame, not his status. Him and his mental health.

I feel so bad, and this pain, the pain in my heart; he is gone. He left a void.. A empty void. A void that can't be filled, nor want to be filled. I feel hopeless, and struggling myself right now, the memories of when I was so close to take my own life, end it all.. First time with pills, the second time I ran out on a road, late night and it was empty. Lifeless, litterally.. I remember the feelings like yesterday, and it's scary that it triggered him. That it could have triggered me too... Like if only we have let him show us the true self, the real side of him, this wouldn't have happened. We could have prevented this, just somehow.. Somehow. 

I feel like I could have done more. That us fan could maybe, just maybe have been able to help him. But no... We know that we couldn't, that we did all we could. Show our love over Twitter, Instagram, Wattpad, Tumblr; just generally over all social medias. We showered the boy with love, but it wasn't enough.. I know how it is. In that state even if you get showered with love, the back of your thoughts stay, they linger to torture you while you do something that is your passion, in this case music for Jonghyun. He worked so god damn hard, but always felt like he lacked talent (which he didn't, not in any way) but he did. He was a talented vocalist, trained D.O from EXO to sing like he does now. He was and will always be amazing. 

I will miss him, I miss him so much already... Let's keep supporting SHINee, even more now through this. And my thoughts go out to Jonghyun's family, they need all the support they can get. Shawols, I am lowkey a Shawol myself, my thoughts is sent to them too, Shawols, stay strong.

Jonghyun's family, stay strong! 

SHINee, stay strong! 

Shawols, stay strong! 

Jonghyun, may you find peace and rest now, you have been longing for it. You have it, that is what matters to us now. We will always love you. No. Matter. What. Rest in peace and watch over us, your family and members. We miss you and love you, you ball of fluff <3