i haven't cried all day. but it's finally coming down. i don't want to take his poster off my wall but looking at it is making me more sad. i remember watching hello baby and laughing until i got hiccups because of him. he was always so positive, humble, and loving. he stood up for others who couldn't stand up for themselves. he made the music he wanted to and constantly reminded everyone that doing what you want is the most important thinng you can do for your own happiness. shinee was MY GROUP when i came into kpop. no one could compare. jonghyun was my first bias. he made me so happy. i still can't belive this is real. it shouldn't be real. jonghyun should still be here making the music he wants to, smiling and lauging and being happy with his loved ones. i don't know what to do with myself. i'm praying for jonghyun's family, his friends, his brothers shinee, and everyone who's hurting right now because we've lost an angel. if anyone wants to talk, i'm here. 

(if i get one more 'update pls' right now i'm going to lose it. writing is the last thing on my mind today)