Earlier, I got hurt. My friend told me that I'm turning my fangirling into somewhat a school work as I spend most of my time fangirling over kpop groups. She told me good luck and to study harder so I can graduate already, after I congratulated her on graduating and sending my good luck for her job interview.

I was thinking of defending myself, but I thought that it would be useless for she won't understand the situation in my university as she is from another university.

I have fair grades for most of my subjects but excel in all my education courses. Btw, I am a preschool teaching majors. I'm done with all my math, english and general education courses. I'm less than 40 units away from graduating.

I was so angry, and I cried a lot.

 

But I did not think that I am still capable of crying some more.

I am an eight year old kpop fan.

I was 11 years old when I first heard of SHINee. I fell in love with their music when I got the chance to listen to their song "Replay" back in June 2009. I've been a fan since then.

I've met a lot of amazing people when I introduced myself as a fan of SHINee- a Shawol. I was able to be part of my Pearl Aqua Green family, and I was able to build another family- Byuls.

There have been a lot of ups and downs, but I stayed. Although I was not updated with SHINee as I am updated with VIXX, they are always in my thoughts and in my heart.

Today, I tried my best to become a dependable daughter in my family. I took care of my younger sister, and I prepared dinner. I was in charge of the kitchen since I got back home as I am away most of my time for school!

I finished cleaning everything when I noticed that I got a lot of notifications from messenger and twitter. I tweeted that I have to do something else so I'll be responding late to the messages. However as I was about to turn off my phone, I've read two messages saying "This is too much..I love SHINee so much." and "Do you know what happened with Jonghyun? Is it true?"

I got confused.

I checked everywhere, all sources I know. They reported that Jonghyun was found unconscious and died on his way to the hospital, or Jonghyun has died.

I was shocked. I did not want to believe as there is no official statement from SM Entertainment.

I saw tweets that Korean Shawols are outside the hospital where Jonghyun was tended. They were tweeting updates, so I relied on those.

I read that he was on life support, that his heart stopped beating twice, that he is on oxygen therapy etc etc.

I was only talking to two of my closest friends, and to Byuls. I really did not know what to do.

I tried to stay calm, and attended to the errands of my parents as normally as I can.

I kept on crying.

I kept on praying hard that he will be fine.

I was holding onto that small string of hope as SM Entertainment has not released official statement/s yet.

However past 12am KST, it was confirmed that SHINee's Kim Jonghyun has passed away.

I kept on crying. I really do not know what to do anymore. I have been with SHINee for almost nine years. I'm not taking the news well.

The kpop community showed support to SHINee and SHINee World. I would like to thank you all for that. I hope that we won't just be united in times like this.

 

To our dearest Kim Jonghyun,

Thank you for spending ten years of sharing your music to us.

Thank you for being an inspiration to the younger us.

I do not regret becoming a fan of yours.

Thank you for putting light in my world.

In the next lifetime, I will look for you and I will stay with you. Just how it is in this lifetime.

I refuse to say goodbye as your music will continue to live, as you continue to live in our hearts and minds. 

Jonghyun, my love, you did well. We are proud of you.