Hi guys !! I don't know how blog posts reach readers so who's gonna read this BUT I've decided it's this space that I'm going to pour my heart out to. I have so many wonderful subscribers and friends here on AFF who take the time to comment on my stories and wait for me to update, no matter how long they take ^^'

If you're reading this, welcome! Honestly, this space will be used for my....I guess you can call it 'negative space'. One of the greatest joys about having online accounts is that you can share your thoughts and unspoken feelings to a community who doesn't know you personally and I cherish all my readers on this site so much >< It's still so very surreal to know that people appreciate my writing and get excitement from it.

There will be random times that I feel like updating what's been going on lately, (good and bad) but anyway let's get started with today's blog post.

********

I've never mentioned this on AFF before but I'm actually a leader of a dance group that's been running for a number of years! I've only been the leader for perhaps just over 2 years now as the 2 previous leaders stepped down so I've taken charge and sort of changed a few systems around in a way that I think will benefit the group as a whole.

As much as I love being the leader, it definitely comes with a lot of responsibility and great expectation from others. I have never been a leader of a group before, except for being the leader of a few projects that we did but basically, I am learning everyday.

What made me so stressed that i felt the need to write this is the fact that I'm a mess between thinking I don't do enough work for my group or that my group does not respect me as much as they respected the previous leaders.

There are so many things you have to remember and keep control of as a leader and of course you're bound to forget a few things. I'm someone who does not like when people are unhappy and as much as I know you can't make everyone happy, I get paranoid and overthink about the little mistakes i make or the things i've forgotten to do.

The thing is, it's not exactly praise that I want to receive from my group members but I would like to hear 'thankyou' more than ever. It is not like they don't do any work but when I ask them to do a few things, I always say thankyou. But I never get anything back.....I spend my free time organising rehearsals, scouting locations to film videos at, editing videos for our Youtube channel and promoting us every single day but....I'm not sure If they appreciate it or think i'm doing a job.

And it hurts.

It hurts a lot especially when other people (not necessarily from my group) will say things in passing like 'you're nothing like the previous leader' , 'you can't do what they did' etc.

But..... when did I say i was trying to be just like them..?

Never.

I have worked my freaking off to get the group to where it is today. We have an updated system and honestly, 80% of the content we have produced in the last 2 years would not have been possible If it weren't for me.

But I wont be selfish and brag about that to them, but just say it here.

I love my group and members but....sometimes I feel like I should step down as leader or possibly quit..? 

Anyway there's plenty more where that came from but that's it for today's blog post because I'm actually about to start rehearsal now lol.

Thanks for tuning in guys! Feel free to leave any comments :)

-kiseki